I’m betting you’ve looked at some of the film posters adorned on the tube escalators and thought, what the fraggle rock is this? You think you can do better? Of course you can, because movie posters are an excuse to dredge up the most tired old formats and situations they can find. I’m going to gently guide you through the most notorious clichés of the movie poster. Teal and orange, wacky jostling, quirkie indie writing…it’s all here.

The humble comic book has given us some of the most iconic characters of the past century: caped-crusaders, garish Amazonian princesses, angst ridden mutants and radioactive people of all varieties have infiltrated the popular culture. But sadly not all adaptations quite live up to their two dimensional counterparts, and today we sort the wheat from the needlessly scanty PVC. Be aware that I had to re-watch a lot of these before writing this; I suffer for my work.

You probably won’t have heard of Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne. Maybe you vaguely recall them picking up a few awards at Cannes, but the filmmakers have somewhat flown under the radar of the international press. Here we celebrate the Belgian duo’s remarkable socio-realist films.

This week, we look at funny man Owen Wilson. Is he laugh out loud brilliant, or an irritating, over-rated lad in need of a nose job? Should he and the rest of the ‘Frat Pack’ stop hurting our eyes and affronting our senses, or do they deserve awards for out of the box originality? The defence and prosecution have their say.

Mmmm…Who can resist those rubberised lips.

Some books – anything by Roald Dahl, DIY safety manuals, Katie And Peter: The Sweet Release Of Death – were never meant for the transition to the big screen. And we salute them for that – heck, Katie and Peter are far too camera-shy anyway, bless them. But some literary classics are just crying out for a blockbusting re-vamp, and like Gok Wan to a nation of slop-shouldered, emotionally fragile women, we are here to loudly point at what needs to go where.

For those that are tired of lining the pockets of faceless, charmless McCinemas, and perhaps would like to watch a movie with other film-lovers – as opposed to throngs of yammering, popcorn-chucking oiks – then an independent cinema is the option you need to be poking your nose into. The UK has a proud history of these fine establishments, but they’re under threat from the evil corporate monsters that shall not be named. This week we look at the Rich Mix in Shoreditch.

Romantic films are the scourge of all that is good and true. But imagine if you could appropriate the romantic, cinematic charisma of XXX or the wit of YYY for your VERY OWN. Osmose our romantic quotes from films into your heart and out of your cheatin’ mouth come Valentine’s Day, and you’re made in the shade. You don’t even have to subject yourself to a rom-com to do it…

Mel Gibson used to be Hollywood’s golden boy. I used to believe everything would turn out okay. Things change, is what I’m trying to say.

You may recall that, in the antique nursery rhyme, Solomon Grundy was married on a Wednesday. We don’t particularly trust anyone who’d get married when they could be seeing FILMS for HALF FREE, to be honest. Plus he never leaves us nice comments. Solomon Grundy is, we must conclude, something of a tosser – if you aren’t, read this lovely blog!