Dance theatre is not a dirty word. Even if you normally find the idea of a film that contains almost nothing but dance to be the purest form of hell, the sheer quality of the dancing on display in Pina – and the immaculate way in which it’s presented – make it difficult to resist.

The muscle babes of Die Hard and G-Unit come in Setup, a painfully predictable action thriller. With plenty of guns, a bald mob boss or two, a handful of heavily clichéd Russians, a thirst for vengeance and the odd sexy lying bitch, there really isn’t anything original to this diamond heist gone wrong. Except for Fiddy Cent in a role where he takes no prisoners. Oh wait…

What do a dying Sheikh, a bunch of SAS guys and Clive Owen with a dodgy moustache have in common? They all want to screw up Jason Statham’s day, and he won’t let them. Killer Elite tells the story of an ex-hitman out of retirement for One Last Hurrah. It’s not as predictable as you might think. Oddly, that doesn’t help matters.

Either your entire family was recently captured by Somali pirates whilst on a pleasure cruise and you were forced to watch each of them being systematically tortured in an attempt to get you to release the codes for the Swiss bank vault containing the family fortune, or Abduction will be the worst thing you’ve seen this year. It’s as simple as that, really.

Kingdom of Gladiators tells the story of a king who makes a pact with a demon, and then has a gladiator tournament, and these two things are somehow connected. Steer clear if you can, this tits-and-hits action film offers a very poor show of both the former and the latter.

Touched by age and finally brave enough to sit through the taut kitchen scene without weeping (MIND THE LADLE!), I all but jumped at the chance to revisit Jurassic Park on the big screen. Re-touched, re-tooled and re-toothed, Steven Spielberg’s fourth greatest movie still stands a head and shoulders (and claws and tail) above its blockbusting competition.

With a brilliant cast, stunning visuals and a confidently stripped back script, it’s very difficult not to be utterly taken along for Drive’s ride. Sure, it might well be that its story doesn’t quite bear scrutiny, but when you’re travelling at this speed who can really tell?

When the credits rolled on Clerks II with the distinct feeling that a much-loved Kevin Smith chapter had closed, it was hard to see what his next move would be. With news that Red State, a so-called horror movie about a far-right Christian cult, was in the pipeline, it seemed as if Kevin Smith had left his Askewniverse behind completely. Well, not only is Red State Smith’s best film to date, but the similarities between it and his previous nine offerings are more numerous than one might expect; pointing to a director at the peak of his craft.

What one earth do you do after witnessing the brutal (and narratively ambiguous) murder of your own parents? Grow up to be a smoking hottie with revenge dripping off every exquisite sinew, that’s what. Zoe Saldana does her best in the deeply silly action-drama Colombiana, but as a film that’s never quite sure of its audience, the only things that ever really hit the mark are the bullets flying in every direction except hers…

What is it with horribly titled British films lately? First Swinging With the Finkels, now this? C’mon people, just name your film after a dinosaur, there’s loads of them left. It’d be much easier to sell a dark comedy set in a Scottish brothel (apparently they’re legal up there, fancy that!) if it was called Tyrannosaurus Sex. Just sayin. Luckily though, Spanking in Paradise is infinitely better than its dreadful title, a witty, surprisingly restrained and thoroughly Scottish gem.