RP Kahl’s Bedways promises to explore themes of love, sex, bodies and cinema itself. Some might consider this a tall ask for a 76 minute porno. They’d be right.

Zonad: low-budget Irish comedy featuring a sex starved fat bloke who may or may not be an alien. But isn’t. Taken in by the residents of a small village Zonad quickly makes himself at home, lusting after a virginal teenage temptress and drinking in the local pub. But the true nature of his identity is about to catch up with him.

In all honesty, you might not even need to read this review; Stonehenge Apocalypse is exactly as you imagined it when you saw the SKULL IN A MUSHROOM CLOUD on its poster. Still, know thine enemy and all that…

Messy, ridiculous, violent, naked and generally speaking more than a bit on fire, Drive Angry 3D is deep-fried cinema at its most deliciously insane. It never comes close to touching the knowing cool of a Tarantino or Rodriguez feature, but this adrenaline shot of pure grindhouse indulgence is stupidly satisfying all the same. Dead-Man-Revenging Nic Cage is acted off the screen by his excellent supporting cast, but to be honest, when he’s smoking, shagging, killing and growling ALL AT THE SAME TIME it’s difficult to care.

Sharktopus, yet another mindless and tacky film from B movie re-enactors the SyFy channel, is completely dreadful. No, really. Completely dreadful. You might be one of the people who likes watching shit films and laughing at how shit they are, but even so the antics of this absurd hybrid may leave you struggling to crack a smile.

Neatly bridging the gap between this year’s glut of sci-fi films and the ongoing demand for unusual teenagers who, like, can’t fit in because they’re vampires (or werewolves or gay or whatever else), I Am Number Four will certainly be popular. Michael Bay should be crucified for ruining yet another film with his stupid flashing lights, but who cares when there’s a hunky alien loose?

Ironclad sees Paul Giamatti as the megalomaniac King John, whose taking of Rochester Castle will guarantee him nationwide power. Cue lots of shouty speeches, long swords and hot oil in this historical bloodbath.

Hats off to the ambitious Ink team for creating a gloriously immersive fantasy world on a micro-budget: no mean feat for even the most skilled of film-makers. Definitely at the upper end of the indie-spectrum, there is much originality and innovation to admire this surreal tale of one man’s redemption. It’s just a shame the dialogue never quite reaches the same heights as the rest of the production values.

Unknown centers around one man’s attempts to reclaim his identity. Though comparisons to Bourne Identity and Memento seem inevitable, this action thriller still manages to generate some heat.

A touching tale about a man navigating his way through conflicting relationships, He’s My Girl is an unexpected, quietly charming and exceedingly Parisian love story. There are perhaps a few too many loose ends left hanging for it to be a truly satisfying watch, but there’s no question that this is an extremely classy alternative to your Nora Ephron-type fodder.