Ever been irritated by people in the cinema? Ever had the misfortune of getting sat behind a giant or being kicked in the back by some annoying, chatty kids? We’ve all been there! So have a read of this poetic rant and let us know what annoys you most when watching a film.

An Usher’s Rant

Usher
Patient, still
Withdrawing , watching, wondering
A shadowy silent observer
Me

Date
New, terrifying
Shaking, quaking, faking
Young love’s charming jitters
Kiss

Loner
Strange, sombre
Waiting, wanting, hoping
‘This seat is taken’
Alone

Critic
Mysterious, serious
Scribble, scribble, jot
Coiled spring of judgement
Razor

Spiller
Ambitious, stupid
Balancing, tripping, flipping
A Diet Pepsi hazard
Mop

Snoggers
Blatant, unaware
Slopping, slurping, salivating
Back seat tongue wrestle
Canoodle

Hypochondriac
Dying, lying
Sneezing, coughing, wheezing
A Kleenex producing mess
Germ

Giant
Dense, Immense
Bobbing, blocking, rocking
Better door than window
Oaf

Eater
Hungry, greedy
Munching, crunching, lunching
A tortilla chip hover
Pig

‘Techy’
Obsessive, rude
Flashing, Bleeping, vibrating
‘Turn off your phone!’
Nerd

Mover
Flippant, undecided
Switching, swapping, swarming
‘Sit down, stay down’
Fool

Talker
Loud, vulgar
Chattering, whispering, gossiping
Motor mouth movie menace
Prat

Thrower
Childish, mindless
Pelting, launching, hurling
A storm of popcorn
Waste

Laugher
Thunderous, shrill
Chuckling, shrieking, howling,
Attention seeking half-wit
Idiot

Usher
Tested, red
Raging, cursing, hyperventilating
A torch flashing maniac
Me