Okay, you got your boarding passes? Your passports? Changed your money? Packed your bags YOURSELVES? (You know you don’t really need these things, but it’s fun to play, right?) Okay, buckle your seatbelts and let’s get going!

Europe: Kevin and Perry Go Large (Ibiza)

Oh yes, we’re starting our trip in style and heading to the one and only Ibiza, ready to soak up those tacky European beach vibes while we can. This movie was, shall we say, A TOUR DE RUDDY FORCE. It had sun, sex, sand, mopeds and vomming in public – everyone needs a holiday like that at somepoint, right? So get your glowsticks/whistles/boobs out and get ready to party like it’s the mid-nineties. Meet you at the minibar.

Middle East: Sex and the City 2 (United Arab Emirates)

Fear not, BFF followers, we haven’t gone insane and actually started liking SATC2. We just thought it was our responsibility that – going on a round the world film trip and all that – we should probably drop into Abu Dhabi and 1) give them all an ‘I’m not angry I’m just disappointed’ glare, 2) try to demonstrate how absolutely ridiculous they look in their ‘Arab-chic’ get-ups by dressing four camels in cocktail dresses, and 3) implore Michael Patrick King to never, ever, inflict this torture on us again.

Asia: The Darjeeling Limited (India)

Well there’s only one thing that can save us after a run in with the SATC lot, and that’s a well organised but somehow also rowdy train-trip around India. And who could possibly be a better bunch of chaperones than Owen Wilson, Adrian Brody and Jason Schwartzman? From the moment we saw this classic by Wes Anderson we immediately wanted to get on the next fight to India and buy some snakes, have an affair, take unprescribed pharmaceuticals, get thrown off a train, and generally be really really really cool while doing so. Everyone! Get your swag on, quick snap! Next stop Darjeeling, baby!

Australasia: Wolf Creek (Australia)

Bet you thought we were going to say Australia didn’t you? Well no, because we don’t want Hugh Jackman flexing his muscles anywhere near our trip of a lifetime. Instead, we’re going off the beaten track to Wolf Creek. It scared the bejesus out of us and, while we don’t really fancy running into horror-hound Mick Taylor, we do like the look of the Wolf Creek meteor crator so let’s bloody well risk it eh? Although we must insist on prior-prepping with plenty of reserve gas, at least six spare tyres, and a Bear Grylls-like fascination with eating lizards and drinking our own piss.

South America: The Motorcycle Diaries (Argentina, Chile, Peru, Colombia, Venezuela)

Everyone has to do a bit of volunteering when they go off round the world don’t they? And there’s surely no better way than cuddled up to Gael García Bernal as he drives us around moaning about the exploitation of the Latin American workforce. Oh yes, you never know what’s going to happen on the continent of passion and politics – some of it might even rub off on us as we start running amuck and stickin’ it the man. But if we don’t end up Marxist revolutionaries? We’re just totally ready to get our tequila on.

North America: Thelma and Louise (USA)

Sorry lads, but it’s gyals on tour while we head up to the U.S. of A! There were plenty of movies to choose for this one, but what better than the probably the best road trip film ever? (Arguments below!) We’re fastening our headscarves and donning our shades as we zoom off towards the American sunset and start shooting every gosh darn thing in sight. We’re ready to run from the law while becoming oh just the best of friends and it’s gonna be the best weekend EVER. We do draw the line at driving off a cliff, though. That’s not going to happen.

Africa: Madagascar/Madagascar 2: Escape To Africa (Come on, think!)

Get ready everybody for possibly the greatest holiday of all time. And no, we’re not thinking about the food or the sunshine or the beautiful landscapes or even that perfect holiday romance we’ve always dreamed of. It’s for one man and one man only – King Julien. Just like him, we like to move it move it. And there’s no better way of seeing Africa than a good old fashioned safari, so get your binoculars out everyone. Last person to spot a gazelle is buying the drinks.

UK: Carry On Camping (England)