Friday Face/Off: Transformers

Sophie (the only person in the world to give Dark of the Moon fours stars)

Transformers: Dark of the Moon, after being released on Wednesday, racked up a total of $37.3million making it the biggest opening day of the year so far! So why are you people still moaning? There are clearly plenty of folk who want to see it, so why the constant bitching, slating and trashing? No-one forces you to watch Transformers so there is no need to huff and puff your way around town just because it happens to be in a few hundred cinemas. Get over it! Move on. Go outside, it’s a nice day out. Just stop slating something

Lucy (kicks baby robots in the street)

Sure, it might make thousands happy, but I am not one of them. And – being in a particularly self centred mood today – I refuse to accept that just because it made big bucks on opening night it’s worth my time. When will people get bored of completely underdeveloped, showy films that think it’s acceptable to just scream “Hey look guys – explosions! Machines! Sexy Women! Hey! Over here! What about if I talk in a really dumb voice for a while? Hey! Oh wait, what’s this? ROBOT ALIENS?!” Because that’s all Transformers really does, it’s like the screen version of Jeremy Clarkson.


Transformers is far from underdeveloped and the explosions and sexy WOMAN only add to what’s already there. Transformers is about acceptance, patriotism and defending your country in a time where there is so much hate flying around for those who are not of the same way of life and decide to attack us for it, terrorists anyone? So where you may criticise the explosions and machinery, Transformers is only addressing today’s most prevalent fear – the fear of being attacked by different forces, the fear of not being able to win. But instead the good guys do win, and hope is restored. The same concept was used in Star Wars and no-one thought THAT was lame!


Woooah that was not just a comparison between Transformers and Star Wars, surely? Luke Skywalker has more entertainment in his little lightsaber than all three Michael Bay movies put together. Lets face it, Dark of the Moon is a film that has been completely slammed by critics. In terms of it addressing issues of today, I could name fifty films that bring out the old terrorism allegory as a ‘plot’ for what is essentially two-hours of special effects and bad acting. I have in the past listened to someone making a case for how Harry Potter’s wand is actually a phallic symbol. Yes it was a convincing argument, but it’s still drivel.


Yes is was a comparison, and it only seems ridiculous because Star Wars came first! Had Transformers preceded it we would probably be having a discussion as to whether or not six Star Wars films was too much. It’s all very good saying it was slammed by critics, but they are one person, and one person’s opinion should not be taken as fact (unless it’s from Best For Film)! The REAL fact is that millions went to see the third Transformers film, ergo, millions like it – because I don’t know about you but all these people would not go and see a third instalment if they did not love the first two. And just because there may be “fifty films that bring out the old terrorism allegory as a ‘plot’ for what is essentially two-hours of special effects and bad acting”, it doesn’t mean that Transformers is one of them.


Right I’m going to bring this down to the bare bones of the situation in three words: Rosie. Huntington. Whiteley. What was that girl doing in a film? Even one as bad as Dark of the Moon. After getting rid of the annoyance that was Megan Fox, Michael Bay had a chance here to introduce someone great (well, just not as shit) and he puts her in? Sure, these sidekick women are supposed to be smokin’ hot, but all she seemed to do is just widen her eyes and pout at something dreadful happening on the other side of the camera. Either that, or she stands there while the camera man plays the role of peeping Tom and pans his lens up and down her legs.


Ok fair point. Probably the only one I agree with. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley tried her best but she does have NO place in this film. So yes I admit she was the eye candy, but that’s all – she was hardly meant to be the main focus of the film. Nor was Megan Fox for that matter. The focus is on Shia Labeouf and his ever growing bond with these alien lifeforms. We don’t laugh at anything Rosie says, we don’t cry when she gets hurt and we don’t grab the person next to us and shift to the edge of our seats because we’re scared she might die. No, all those feelings are saved for Sam and the Autobots. And because the chemistry and the dialogue between them feels so comfortable and so strong, we feel for them! And it’s the Transformers films’ ability to humanise these machines and draw emotions from us, for robots of all things, that makes it so great. Stick that in your (exhaust) pipe and smoke it!


A robot doesn’t have chemistry. It’s all wires, guns and whizzy noises with these Autobots, which actually pretty much sums up the Transformers franchise on the whole. If anyone was actually going to the cinema to experience the emotional stuff, why oh why would they go and see Transformers? It’s weak in almost every way (special effects being the exception); the ‘comedy’ lines are forced in wherever possible and come from nowhere, the acting is just inexplicably terrible, and the plot is non-existent. The only good thing about Dark of the Moon is that it was SO BAD, it dug itself a very deep grave and hopefully won’t be rearing its silly metal head again.

Does Transformers rev your engine or make you feel like something very expensive just fell out of your radiator? Let us know below!


By Sophie Worrell and Lucy Burnage

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