Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #12

*The unexpected sunshine has brought out a hitherto unseen side of the BFF team – no-one is being a bastard. Not even Tash – and she’s been known to unscrew all the chairs in the office just to get her sick bone-breaking kicks. With this in mind, could it be that this week a plethora of oranges means happiness for all? Will the bitter rind of lemon be forever washed away? Of course not.*

Alice (slowly becoming John’s only source of liquids):

This week I’m getting all enthusiastic about Submarine, which critics are lauding all over the place – and critics are never wrong, of course. Seriously though, it looks like a wonderful little piece of film-making and something to remind us why British film and funding should not be allowed to wither and die. There’s nothing fresh out this week that I can get that angry about so I think I’ll just reiterate what I said last week and remind everyone not, I repeat NOT, to go and see Hall Pass. You would regret it, I promise.

Orange Choice: Submarine
Ultimate Lemon: Hall Pass


Jim (has to put up with Tash’s inexhaustible amusement at his last name sounding a bit like “DuckTales”):

Limitless. I’ll admit I haven’t seen this one yet but it looks good. I mean we all wonder what our lives would be like if we weren’t shit, right? Well I do and if anyone was going to show me I’d want it to be Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro. On the other hand if anyone is interested in finding how their shit life could be a whole lot worse then I can recommend Battle: Los Angeles – a film that is simultaneously more like a computer game than most movies and less cinematic than most computer games.

Orange Choice: Limitless
Ultimate Lemon: Battle: Los Angeles


Tash (desperate to placate an Otter):

There’s bloody loads out at the moment that look great – Submarine, Limitless, DRIVE ANGRY OF COURSE and The Lincoln Lawyer all take my fancy. Think I’m go with Matthew McConaughey trying to act really, really hard because bless him for the attempt. In terms of what looks awful, I’m going to to with Wake Wood. Obviously bringing your dead daughter back to life is a terrible idea. Especially when Timothy Spall suggests it. Obviously. What do you think is going to happen, hmmm? It’s going to end with a dance-off and lovely biscuits? Fool.

Orange Choice: The Lincoln Lawyer
Ultimate Lemon: Wake Wood


John (now knows more about Arnie’s face than is entirely appropriate):

I don’t think I could be more excited about Limitless, even if I had a pill which allowed me to access superhuman levels of excitement until Robert De Niro came and tried to mess me up. Bradley Cooper’s a potentially cracking actor who’s waited too long for a non-stupid leading role, while for Bobby this might be a chance to atone for the joyless abortion that was the Fockers series. The release you should know to avoid even without the help of a pharmaceutically-boosted intellect, however, is clearly Anuvahood – it’s described as an ‘urban comedy’, which is bad enough, and the protagonist works at a supermarket called Laimsbury’s. Ugh.

Orange Choice: Limitless
Ultimate Lemon: Anuvahood


Cherise (would get lost in an arrow):

I choose to bestow my fruit of approval upon the American techo-thriller Limitless, purely because it’s a film that has chosen to employ the concept of ‘superhuman’ without the campy slant. I’ll concede that I’m all for Tony Stark, Batman and Thor, but it ain’t got nothing to do with the scripts and directing…Chalet Girl is my target of derisive avoidance this week. It seems that Ed Westwick stumbled onto the wrong (although equally vomitous) set and played the same part he plays in Gossip Girl – sickening, smarmy and sexually ambiguous.

Orange Choice: Limitless
Ultimate Lemon: Chalet Girl


Papa Neish (for whom desperate times are calling for desperate measures):

I really tried to watch all of this weeks releases in preparation for this weeks oh-so-fruity recommendations. I did, honest! However, try as I might I just couldn’t bring myself to sit through The Lincoln Lawyer. Luckily, this leaves me with one sour lemon, all the better with which to pelt Adam Deacon’s deeply inconsistent Anuvahood, a cinematic “I know a song that will get on your nerves” which takes a last minute detour down Knockturn Ally that leaves a fittingly bad taste in your mouth. I had hoped to share my Orange with Richard Ayoade, toasting our slices in celebration of his critical darling, the universally acclaimed Submarine. While it is technically brilliant, I’d have to pull myself a sicky, just in case I had to explain why.

Orange Choice: Limitless
Ultimate Lemon: Avuvahood


*So there you have it: it’s left to Limitless and Submarine to battle it out in our hearts, minds and wallets. Let us just pray that when we return next week, this beautiful new calm will still permeate – nope, John’s chair’s just gone again*

About The Author