Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #22

*This week, things are more than usually harmonious at Best For Film Towers. The root of all this mellow fellow-feeling seems to be that most of the BFF crew have become a homogenous clump of mewling X-Men fanboyishness which occasionally raises its misshapen head to spit abuse at Hangover fans. Ah well. First to rear from the lumpen mass is S.L. Dean…*

Sarah (is organising a field trip!):
Much as I consider myself a one woman wolfpack, I am going to boycott The Hangover: Part II for being more of the same and give some orangey love to X-Men: First Class. It features an Irishman, a Scotsman with hair, that preggers woman from Mad Men who can become a diamond at will and wait for it, Kevin blooming Bacon. Oh and did I mention that it’s comic-book perfection? Plus it’s written by Jonathan Ross’ flame-haired vixen wife Jane Goldman, who is obviously an X-Men character stuck in a human body; but most importantly X Men: First Class does not feature Jean-Luc Picard or Gandalf. I’ll spray lemon juice right into Julia’s Eyes, Guillame del Toro has officially jumped the shark with this supposed horror movie about murder, blindness and (yawn) knives. What is it with him and eyes anyway?

Orange Choice: X-Men: First Class
Ultimate Lemon: Julia’s Eyes


Kob (has a doctorate in wasting everyone’s time with quizzes):
Apocalypse Now is my orange and quite frankly it should be everyone’s orange. You X-Men people are caught up in blockbuster franchise fetish, whenever Hollywood throws something new and sparkly at you, you jump on it no questions asked. Not me, it’s all about the classics. Call me pretentious but Apocalypse Now is what cinema was made for, IT IS CINEMA! My Lemon it has to be The Hangover: Part II. This approach to sequels might have worked before with Terminator 2 and Home Alone 2, but not with a comedy. It’s the same jokes told in exactly the same way as the original, not only did it short-changed its characters it short-changed the audience – and now they’re making another? Jesus wept.

Orange Choice: Apocalypse Now
Ultimate Lemon: The Hangover: Part II


Deirdre (sits in the corner. Shame Swayze’s dead, innit?):
The painfully obvious orange this week will have to be thrown at X-Men: First Class. We’ve been waiting for this one since the first movie came out. Hell, we’ve been waiting for this one since the first fricken comic came out! If anybody gets in my way on the way to the cinema tonight they’re in for one of my attempts at a telekinetic attack (so just a bit of a weird stare but it’s still something you’d want to avoid). My lemon is going to be squirted in the eyes of Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2.Another attempt at a funny indie movie; I’ve had enough – let me beat up the wimpy kid!

Orange Choice: X-Men: First Class
Ultimate Lemon: Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Rodrick Rules


*That’s two thumbs up for “killing will not bring you peace” Xavier and two thumbs down for “look at me, I’m autistic” Alan. Bet John spoils everything.*

John (is trying to asphyxiate the whole office with some Pont-l’Évêque):
Jesus, could you lot get any more mainstream? I’m disdaining the flashy antics of Professor Pattern Baldness and co. in favour of Life, Above All, a truly extraordinary film which gives a human face to the AIDS pandemic through the harrowing story of Chanda and her family. You’ll be torn between gargling with joy at the beauty of its construction and slitting your wrists at the sheer fucking hopelessness of everything, which is only right and proper. I’m obviously lemoning the tedious, racist and distinctly rapey bouillabaisse of misery which is The Hangover: Part II, and if you watch it even though you’ve been warned I’ll come to your house and eat your children.

Orange Choice: Life, Above All
Ultimate Lemon: The Hangover: Part II


Richard (prefers ‘Rob’):
Whatever, John. Don’t pretend you’re not excited by X-Men. Come join us, you know you want to. Basically, anyone who doesn’t want to go see X-Men: First Class this week is lying to themselves. I will be sipping the refreshing orangey goodness of a good mutant-cum-Bond-cum-Mad Men film, relishing in the beauty that is Fassbender and McAvoy sparring off moodily whilst doing cool mutant shit. YEA. BOY. Apparently Matthew Vaughn just has to shout “Kit-Kat” on set and one of his lackies will immediately fetch him one. That’s the kind of man whose films I want to see. My lemon is the exhaustingly repetitious The Hangover: Part II. I’m ok with missing a carbon copy of the first film but with a few racist jokes thrown in, thanks.

Orange Choice: X-Men: First Class
Ultimate Lemon: The Hangover: Part II


Tash (currently modelling some fiercely ethnic trousers):
As ever, I’m with everyone who isn’t John. It’s so clearly, obviously all about X-Men this week that to even suggest otherwise is laughable, tantamount to claiming there’s no such thing as shoes. Can Jane Goldman prove she’s more than just an one Ass Kicking hit wonder? Can James McAvoy play “will one day lose all my hair” with assertive aplomb? Can Nicholas Hoult get, like, really, really hairy? All of these are questions I need to know the answers to. The one question I don’t need answering is what happened to The Wolfpack in their second Hangover outing. Like any explanation of a right old crazy evening, I’m betting you had to be there.

Orange Choice: X-Men: First Class
Ultimate Lemon: The Hangover: Part II


*Isn’t there some sort of tribunal system for abuse like this? Anyway, off you go and see X-Men. Obviously.*

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