Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #71
*The sudden arrival of the sun has provoked a bitter rift within Best For Film Towers. Certain members of the team are only too eager to prostrate themselves before their fiery god and whimper with delight as their skins scorch, others spurn the infra-red embrace of Helios to retreat into the BFF dungeons (empty except for the decaying carcass of a saboteur from Little White Lies). Which side will you pick?*
John (slowly liquefying):
Achtung! The purity of the Reich depends on you making the right decision this week, and with an MP40 pressed to the back of my head I can make no recommendation other than that you expend your Orange (that’s German for ‘orange’) on a pair of tickets to Iron Sky. Finally in cinemas after a long stretch in distribution hell (or, y’know, the dark side of the Moon), this viciously funny satire is the best Swastika-branded comedy since Jackboots on Whitehall. Meanwhile, fling your lemon squarely towards 2 Days in New York – not because it contains a proscribed interracial relationship, but because it looks really shit. Sieg Heil!
Orange Choice: Iron Sky
Ultimate Lemon: 2 Days in New York
Tash (baste with bacon grease and leave on a flat stone to burn):
You know what’s wonderful? Everything. Everything forever. My arms are burnt and my eyes hurt and I’m dehydrated and possibly dying and I couldn’t be happier. Sunshine, eh? What an absolute Lad it is. For that reason, I’m finding it difficult to feel my usual vitriol for anything at all right now – to me it just looks like all the films are lovely. If I had to pick one, it will most certainly have to be the vein-hammeringly exciting The Raid – it’s the best action film I’ve seen in years, and certainly contains the greatest example of corridor-based fight sequences since that really wicked bit in Oldboy. In terms of lemon… erm… well, you should probably turn your nose up at… at…. You know what? I can’t do it. Everything is so GOD DAMNED GLORIOUS and shiny and cancer-inducing – go watch She Monkeys too! It’s really great and gets a bit girl sexy. One of the top kinds of sexy, right after corridor fighting sexy. HAPPY DAY, everyone! YOU’RE ALL BRILLIANT.
Orange Choice: The Raid AND She Monkeys
Ultimate Lemon: NOTHING IT’S TOO SUNNY
Papa Neish (irritated on principle by his reliance on dark shadows):
This week my orange rather reluctantly goes to The Raid, Gareth Evans’ violently visceral ode to Silat martial arts. It’s not perfect by any stretch of the concussion, largely because there are bruises in place of story and character, but if there is one foreign language film I might conceivably convince you to see it is this one. Even the most ignorant of subtitle-phobes will struggle to find much to baulk at, with most of the dialogue (ooh, eei, hi-yah) head-butting a hole in even the most formidable of language barriers. So please, 2for1-ers, give it a chance; at least then you’ll have milked what little novelty there actually is in time to shun the inevitable American remake. As for lemons, well, those Shadows aren’t getting any brighter.
Orange Choice: The Raid
Ultimate Lemon: Dark Shadows
Florrie (rocking 3/4 length trousers like a DICKHEAD):
It’s sunny AGAIN. What is up with that? Surely we’ve all had enough of this interminable sunshine. I’ve certainly had my fill, meaning I’ll be off to the cinema this evening to watch The Dictator instead of parading around in some sort of weather-appropriate playsuit. Yes, it’s not perfect but Sacha Baron Cohen’s tale of a faux despot is certainly packed with enough laughs to distract you from this dreadful weather. On the other sweaty, sweaty hand, All in Good Time will probably send you into a siesta. It’s charming enough, and – coming from the same pen that wrote East is East – features a couple of nice moments. But man, is that film boring.
Orange Choice: The Dictator
Ultimate Lemon: All in Good Time
Kayleigh (burning with rage hotter than the Sun):
This week I’m feeling tres chic and in the mood for a romantic pick-me-up… NOT REALLY! Screw you, 2 Days In New York – I’ve heard nothing good about your indie rom-com stylings. Except for the fact that Chris Rock is involved. I enjoy Chris Rock. For this reason alone, I amn granting you only a very very small lemon. On the other hand, I’m definitely bestowing an orange upon the fighty-fighty folks in The Raid – if only to stop them brutally beating me with every bit of their bodies. Who doesn’t want to watch a SWAT team at the mercy of a ruthless mobster and his fleet of ninjas, after all? Bring on intense violence, ceaseless bulletfire and plenty of people in need of some TLC. Bring it the fuck on, I say!
Orange Choice: The Raid
Ultimate Lemon: 2 Days In New York
*Phew, we’re scorched. Where do you stand – Indonesia or Wadiya, sun or shade? Let us know!*