Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons #82

*Best For Film is no stranger to ‘world cinema’ (God, we hate that term), but this week we’re being forced into the arms of our various intercontinental cousins by virtue of Britain and America producing bugger all worth watching. If you want we’ll pretend it’s got something to do with the Olympics too, since everyone’s STILL going on about them…*

Hannah (desperately seeking semen):
Life is anything but simple. Today I had to get up, get dressed and get to the office. I could have fallen at each hurdle but somehow I managed to get through it all. Phew! Now I have to think about how I’m going to get back home and that could take quite a while… Whilst I ponder, my mind returns to the sweet orangey goodness that is A Simple Life. Life, death, love and growing old, set against the backdrop of Hong Kong. Yeah it doesn’t sound like the perkiest little mofo but trust me on this one (I’ve seen it) you will NAHT regret it. Regret is another thing in life that we have to live with. Happily I will never regret seeing Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days as I shan’t ever be seeing it. A kid jumps into a pool and his trunks come off? We have Tom Daly and the Olympics for that. NEXT!

Orange Choice: A Simple Life
Ultimate Lemon: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days


Tessa (#1 spod):
I’m pulling a sour face at Truth or Dare as I suck upon its lemony lemony horror revenge thriller pulp. It’s totally dreadful, avoid at all costs, even if someone dares you. So what would I see? Apparently we’re not allowed to pick The Dark Knight Rises for the third week in a row so I’m pumping my orange poms poms for Jism 2. What an absolutely outrageous title – it’s an erotic Bollywood thriller and frankly, it sounds amazing. You’re in for half price and you’ve managed to find a friend, what better way to celebrate than with a bit of PG porn? Actually it’s a 15, which means I can guarantee you a boob. A WHOLE BOOB! Get yourselves down the pictures y’all.

Orange Choice: Jism 2
Ultimate Lemon: Truth or Dare


John (useless during power cuts):
I’m flavouring my orange juice with ginger, lotus and other vaguely Eastern ingredients this week in preparation for seeing The Flowers of War, a Chinese historical drama starring Christian Bale as a mortician who must pose as a priest to save a churchful of convent girls and prostitutes from a marauding Japanese army in 1947 Nanjing. I think. It was China’s punt at the Best Foreign Language Oscar this year and looks absolutely gorgeous, but even if it had been made by Mr Wong and starred Christian O’Connell I’d rather see it than Jism 2. An ‘erotic thriller’ that’s only a 15? Tessa must be desperate.

Orange Choice: The Flowers of War
Ultimate Lemon: Jism 2


Kathryn (rejected for the cast of Grease 2):
I only do the beer-and-pizza thing once a year. On this day, I also scream at a load of men as if I know them (alas, I do not). I weep with excitement throughout the half-time show, objectify cheerleaders and sing the US national anthem. All in the name of the SuperBowl. As such, there was no way American-football documentary Undefeated wasn’t going to be my Orange for this week. A mix of Coach Carter and The Blind Side, nothing beats watching the categorical implausibility of team sports somehow triumphing over the lure of sex, drugs and rock’n’roll. This week’s Lemon is Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, which has none of the aforementioned, and precisely zero catchy tunes to make up for it.

Orange Choice: Undefeated
Ultimate Lemon: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days


*Trust Kathryn to spoil it. Get subtitling and we’ll see you next week!*

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