Super-Inconvenient Super Powers
With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, on occasion great power also comes with a super-sized pain in the arse, as these popular figures show. Here are the superpowers that would make you wish you had never been born/created in a lab/blown up/irradiated/possessed/raised by other beings.
The classic example of superpowers being a curse their owner is forced to live with, Rogue absorbs the psyche and physical strength of anyone she makes contact with. As the years went by she was able to harness her power, but discovering this talent would have made for some rather uncomfortable moments, as seen in the first X-men film. Plus there’s always the prospect that she could bump into someone with bad breath, or accidentally brush hands with a sufferer of explosive diarrhoea. Pretty inconvenient.
Heroes was packed with unfortunates who had powers they would rather be without. Poor Ted had the knack for dispensing huge amounts of radiation from his body, with very little control. This may be stretching the term “inconvenient” – Ted’s wife died of huge radiation poisoning, and detonating a nuclear explosion big enough to level manhattan when something rubs him up the wrong way would ruin anyone’s day.
Another from the Heroes stable, Maya had the unenviable “talent” for giving off a virulent and spectacularly gruesome disease when riled. This is countered by her twin brother Alejandro – who nullifies his sister’s biological threat with possibly the most boring power ever. A memorable scene from the show was created when she found her husband to be in a compromising position, turning her wedding into a gory bloodbath. As anyone who has tried to set up one of these will know, there’s no way she’ll be getting her deposit back on the hall…
OK, who wouldn’t want the ability to read minds? Sure it’d make job interviews a piece of cake, and it would be a fun party trick, but not everyone’s thoughts are so rosy. Can you imagine meeting the in laws for the first time? Or hitting the gym and hearing what the monster hogging the bench is really thinking when he keeps staring at you?
Bobby “Iceman” Drake
Iceman has control over, you guessed it, ice. Projecting frozen water would certainly have its upsides – you’d be the most popular man on the beach, but imagine the reverse… you can forget having a nice hot cup of Rosie Lee for a start, you’d have to get used to iced tea pretty sharpish, and let’s face it, that tastes like sucking on a teabag.
The most unlucky member of the Fantastic Four – invisibility is cool, the Human Torch has the bestest power ever, and even Mr. Fantastic can’t grumble about his extreme flexibility. The Thing has super strength, stamina, and resistance to injury, sure, but he also looks like the unholy spawn of a meeting between Jodie Marsh and the white cliffs of Dover. That’s not going to make life easy, although the inconvenience of this is probably outweighed by having monster guns and being cool enough to declare when it’s “clobberin’ time”, which is like “chico time” but about a million times better.
Bouncing boy has the ability to inflate and bounce like a ball. That’s got to be a pain when attempting pretty much any everyday activity, and the headaches from banging your head on the ceiling must have been a killer. However it’s not all bad for Bouncing Boy – he gets romantically involved with Triplicate Girl which is bound to be good for the ego. At least he’s always going to look good next to our next subject, fellow Legion of Super Heroes member….
Matter Eater Lad
With a power so lame he doesn’t even get the suffix “man”, Matter Eater “Lad” does exactly that – eats matter. Let’s just take a moment to reflect on how lame this is – he can chew through a fence, but then what? It’s a damn good job he’s involved with the Legion of Super Heroes otherwise he would have nothing more than 3 minutes on Britains Got Talent to show for it. The icing on the cake is that all the inhabitants of his home planet can do this – it’s not even a real super power! He is literally just an unfussy eater. This poor individual must have endured countless dinner invitations where he is greeted by phrases like “Sorry, the supermarket was out of steak, so we thought you’d enjoy this rusty old bike chain, or perhaps you’d rather have this broken wine bottle?” No so much inconvenient as just plain poor – as Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons would say , “Worst. Power. Ever.”