The Top 10 Owls Of Cinema
Locked away in the decaying Best For Film Towers would be completely unbearable if it weren’t for Bane, our pet owl. He swoops, he soars, he brings us little dead things and, above all, he makes us forget about all those horrible films we sometimes have to watch.
So imagine how horrified we were to discover that Walt Disney, benevolent maker of children’s cartoons, supposedly MURDERED an owl with his BARE HANDS at the age of SEVEN (genuine fact, guys. Look it up on IMDB if you don’t believe us!). Perhaps it is his guilt for this which inspires so many lovely lovely owl characters to appear within his animated works? Perhaps.
Either way, we’ve decided to celebrate all things owl-tastic; cue the top 10 owls of cinema…
#10 – Instrument Owl (Alice In Wonderland)
We love music and we love owls, so who could imagine a more perfect world than one in which owls are part-bird, part-accordion? Not us, that’s for certain. Instrument Owl, as we have lovingly dubbed him, doesn’t have a huge role in Alice In Wonderland… but he’s undeniably awesome.
Check him out at 0.45…
So benevolent. So musical. So very, very wise.
#9 – Soren (Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole)
Soren is a WARRIOR OWL in the making and that, my dears, is no small thing. He totally impales an evil metal-beaked owl (an evil metal-beaked owl with Nazi tendencies, no less!) with a fiery stick, not to mention learns to fly in the middle of being kidnapped. He’s definitely one badass motherowler.
#8 – Professor Owl (Sing-Along With Disney)
Do you remember PROFESSOR OWL? He was blue, if it helps, and he wore a little hat and glasses. And he also, more importantly, taught us to sing. Screw Maria and all her do re mi rubbish; the only way to get that melody rolling is by giving an Owl a conductor’s baton and letting him do his thing.
HOW DOES HE FIT ALL OF THOSE INSTRUMENTS INTO HIS JACKET?!
Ahem. It’s also worth noting that he is the most flustered teacher ever. He can’t WAIT to get to school and share his knowledge with his eager pupils. Why? Because he’s an owl and, therefore, has wonderful values.
#7 – Bubo (Clash of The Titans)
Bubo the mechanical owl is probably the best bit of the 1981 version of Clash Of The Titans. Oh sure, so he isn’t a real feathery warm-blooded bird, but he’s the GOD_CREATED replica of ATHENA’S very own owl. That’s, like, as divine as you can get in the world of owls. Plus he helps Perseus defeat the Krakon, using Medusa’s head, and if that isn’t worthy of the elusive number seven position, we don’t know what is.
#6 – Big Mama (The Fox And The Hound)
Meet Big Mama, an owl with a whole lotta love to give. Not only does she arrange for the adoption of Todd, the orphaned fox, but she also teaches him all about the ways of the world AND introduces him to his foxy new girlfriend, Vixey.
She’s just so unbelievably sassy!
#5 – Grey Owl (Grey Owl)
Check it out, it’s crazy Pierce Brosnan. He’s just SO unbelievably mental sometimes; in this film, as a wannabe Native American, he tries to become an owl. He tries really really hard. Oh sure, we know he’s not trying to be an ACTUAL official owl, per se, but he is trying to channel an owl’s spirit. And that’s pretty much the same thing isn’t it?
#4 – Owl (The Many Adventures Of Winnie The Pooh)
If Stephen Fry were ever to become an owl, we imagine he’d be a little something like Owl. He’s witty, he’s wildly intelligent, he’s charming and he possesses a strangely fanciable quality that we find it best not to admit to anyone but ourselves.
Dash it all, he’s probably one of the sexiest owls out there though, isn’t he?
#3 – Jareth (Labyrinth)
This owl becomes DAVID BOWIE. It literally ditches the feathers and becomes him, dressed in the tightest trousers ever imaginable. Therefore it is, without a doubt, one of the greatest owls to ever grace the world of cinema. Ever ever.
#2 – Archimedes (The Sword In The Stone)
This is an owl after our very own hearts. Firstly, he refuses to function properly until someone tremblingly presents him with a cup of tea. Secondly, he is easily duped into doing things against his will (hello Mirror Mirror review!). Thirdly, he’s just, like, the cleverest owl out there.
He also likes to take the piss out of people. A lot. God we love you Archimedes!
#1 – Hedwig (Harry Potter)
If everybody could please bow their heads and stand in silence for a few moments. Done that? Good. Hedwig has earned our respect and our grief; loyal, trustworthy and the colour of freshly-fallen snow, she was Harry’s most loyal companion. Think how often she kept that bespectacled kid company when the Dursleys were being dicks to him. Remember how many letters she patiently delivered on his behalf. AND REMEMEBER HOW SHE GAVE HER LIFE TO PROTECT HIM FROM THE DEATH EATERS?
The pain… the pain is still too fresh.
And that’s all she got. Seven films worth of character and they chose to remember her with a gentle plummet to the ground. DOBBY GOT A FUCKING FUNERAL, DIDN’T HE HARRY? DIDN’T HE?! Jesus Christ, just a few tears, a tiny speck of remorse for your dearly departed owl… that’s all we ask.
Hedwig? What did Hedwig do but drop off mail and disappear? How the hell did he get number1 billing? It had no characteristics, nothing notable in regard to ability to lineage, only that he was “owned” by Harry bloody Potter. Big WHOOP! You have zero cred.