Top 10 Fashion Lessons Of Cinema
FASHION LESSON NUMBER ONE:
Add sunglasses for instant mystery
The Matrix, Minority Report and The Terminator all knew that the ultimate way to look like a complete badass is to add a pair of dark glasses. No sunshine? Even better, as you’ll look conspicuously inconspicuous. Most celebrities copycat this look on their run to the local shops; dark glasses and a tentative hand over their face makes them so visibly invisible that we immediately see them. It’s weird, but kind of cool. We LOVE that eyewear is an instant glamour injection!
FASHION LESSON NUMBER TWO:
When in doubt, wear black
Are you heading out the house in a colour of some kind? STOP! What on God’s earth are you playing at?! Colours are for complete fashion nobodies. It doesn’t matter if you’re popping to the shops (a la Audrey Hepburn), lazing around the house (hello Morticia Addams!) or performing a little bit of ballet (Black Swan?) black is the ONLY hue for you. What day is it? It’s awesome Hue-sday, that’s what. Channel your inner New Yorker rather than a miserable mourner and hey ho, bob’s your uncle! You look hot. Black is the new black.
FASHION LESSON NUMBER THREE:
Hats are awesome!
That’s Indiana Jones up there, posing moodily next to Audrey Hepburn. Notice anything about his outfit? The iconic hat, perhaps? Oh yeah, we want to ram that baby onto our heads and channel Harrison Ford’s innate coolness. It would obviously work, because hats are awesome. From Captain Jack Sparrow’s feathered creation to the Mad Hatter’s topper, there’s (probably) something to suit everyone. The bigger the better, in our opinion, as it allows you to fit more of your head inside which is, obviously, the point of hats. Cover that skull, bitches!
FASHION LESSON NUMBER FOUR
Work that wardrobe malfunction
Stood up on the bus and discovered that your knicker elastic has snapped and your pretty Spongebob underwear is now hanging around your ankles? No!? Ahem. Moving on then. Everybody’s bound to suffer a wardrobe malfunction at least once in their lives and we here at BFF think that, if you can pull it off with as much panache as Marilyn Monroe, you’re pretty much on the road to success. Even Carrie knew that, once she was covered in blood, she could make it work for her. All she had to do was change her entire personality and go psycho-evil-bitch. In short, make that cripplingly embarrassing mistake your very own and nobody will say a goddamn word about it. And, if they do, kill them. Simple!
FASHION LESSON NUMBER FIVE
Buy some underwear
Have you SEEN Basic Instinct? Less is definitely not more.
FASHION LESSON NUMBER SIX
Shoes can make any outfit cool
Dorothy was just wearing a plain blue gingham frock; it was nothing special and she knew it. So, like any hardcore fashionista, she stole some amazing shoes from a dead woman and racked up her style credentials 100 times over. And they shaved hundreds off her travel expenses too! Julia Roberts, on the other hand, could have looked like your average run-of-the-mill hooker in Pretty Woman but she pulled out the big guns with those oh-so-classy thigh high boots and managed to flag down a millionaire. Epic shoe stuff.
FASHION LESSON NUMBER SEVEN
Masks aren’t just for fantasy sex
Thought masks were just a kinky addition to bedroom exercise? Wrong! Stick a bit of well-placed cardboard over your face and you instantly look more attractive. Don’t believe us? Check out this clip from The Phantom Of The Opera:
He was sexy, wasn’t he? Gerard Butler looked damn fine in that mask. He’s got a wicked smile and devastatingly handsome features, not to mention a headfull of dark hair. Christine lifts the mask off and… what? Firstly, his hair has completely changed colour (we KNOW it wasn’t blonde! We just SAW It!). Secondly, the mass of scars on his face seems to cover more surface area than the mask would have kept hidden. None of this makes sense but, you know what, it doesn’t matter. Masks are sexy. FACT!
FASHION LESSON NUMBER EIGHT
More is more
Do you want every head to swivel in your direction the moment you enter the room? Then take up MORE room! Big gowns equal big attention and, let’s face it, attention is always what we want, no matter what kind. Amy Adams and Kirsten Dunst both score the affections of TWO men in Enchanted and Marie Antoinette; did you think that was all down to their sexy kittenish smiles and winning personalities? No way. Bigger is better and size always matters…
FASHION LESSON NUMBER NINE
Hire a seamstress
Welcome to the world of Pretty in Pink, where, ironically, Molly Ringwald looked as appealing as a stick of celery. Oh sure, she bagged the guy she wanted (ie. the WRONG guy!) but that didn’t mean this dress wasn’t a huge offence to the world of looking chic; we’re surprised the fashion police didn’t leap onto the set and drag her off, kicking and screaming, to the nearest seamstress. Sure, we get that she wanted to wear both the dresses she’d been so lovingly given but that does not excuse this monstrous hybrid. Look at it; it’s the Frankenstein of dresses and, in all honesty, we’d be happy if we never ever saw it again. Does that make us shallow? It does? We don’t care. At least we’re fashionable and shallow.
FASHION LESSON NUMBER TEN
Opt for the two-piece
Heading to the beach? Make like Ursula Andress and keep all eyes on you by donning something ultra skimpy. Not sure about exposing all that flesh? Copy Princess Leia and add a flimsy veil skirt to a slave girl outfit for instant oppressed glamour! Basically, the rule here is to get as much of your kit off as humanly possible without ACTUALLY going nude. Almost naked is way sexier than naked-naked, isn’t it?