Having mostly run out of faux-vitriol about Kristen Stewart’s unfortunate predicament, all we can now find the energy for is to have a slightly mean-spirited chuckle that her next film is called Lie Down in Darkness. We can presume that she is either currently doing that, like Bella Swan circa-New Moon, already did (with Sanders within her darkness) or will be doing in this film. Maybe even all of the above! That girl’s such a multitasker.

Lie Down in Darkness is based on the 1951 William Styron novel about the highly dysfunctional Loftis family; Stewart’s character Peyton is constantly compared to her crippled sister Maudie, and her physical beauty makes her an object of her mother’s envy and her father’s lust. Fingers crossed, if Stewart actually wants to have a personality left at any point in her life, she’ll leave this one alone. Playing yet another role where the idea of beauty is central to the character, after the shit she caught for getting to play “the fairest of them all” whilst stood in-frame with Charlize Theron in the now infamous Snow White and the Huntsman, is only asking for it.

If Jennifer Lawrence feels like taking a break from arrow-slinging across arenas and shit, we’re sure she should follow through and take it, like she apparently wanted. Though if she cheats on that angel-baby from About a Boy, our gloves are off.