March is fast approaching, and with it will come the unavoidable release of Wrath of the Titans. In case you’ve missed out on our coverage of this exciting new film (perhaps because you were doing something more cultural, like packing your rectum with styrofoam pellets), let us bring you up to speed: Perseus (Sam Worthington) comes out of retirement to do one last job, if by “do” you mean “battle” and “job” you mean “army of Titans”. Oh hi, Tarsem, didn’t see you there.

That’s basically going to be it – sure, Zeus (Liam Neeson, for Olympus’ sake) turns to sand or something, and Andromeda/Rosamund Pike is going to fuel the fires of a million barely-pubescent erections with her *ahem* breastplate, but in essence this film is Sam ‘look what a big ledge I’ve got’ Worthington fighting a series of badly researched CGI monsters. Want to see the trailer?

RALPH FIENNES WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?

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