Name: William J. Dafoe Date of Birth: 22nd July 1955 Place of birth: Appleton, Wisconsin Special moves: Acting, mad staring eyes, watching Charlotte Gainsbourg perform an autoclitoridectomy. Films include: Platoon,..

To celebrate the release of groundbreaking nonsense Battleship, we’ve sailed the high seas of cinema in search of the silver screen’s best ever boats. Which is your favourite? The Pequod? La Amistad? The Potemkin? Yeah, none of them are in it.

Adam Sandler stars in this gritty family drama from Dennis Dugan, which follows in the footsteps of 2011’s Tyrannosaur and We Need to Talk About Kevin in its exploration of the dark complexities of human nature. By turns shocking and deeply poignant, Jack and Jill‘s unflinching examination of the relationship between a pair of twins is often unpalatable and frequ – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This film is unreal.

Either your entire family was recently captured by Somali pirates whilst on a pleasure cruise and you were forced to watch each of them being systematically tortured in an attempt to get you to release the codes for the Swiss bank vault containing the family fortune, or Abduction will be the worst thing you’ve seen this year. It’s as simple as that, really.

Will Ferrell wants to make it clear that he’s not just a comedy actor. Don’t worry Will, by the end of the excruciatingly dull Everything Must Go, I felt like I’d never laugh again.

…which immediately makes us want to see it

With Bridesmaids soon upon us and the furore over the long-awaited wedding scenes in Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 about to reach fever pitch, we can’t avoid the thorny subject of movie marriage. So instead of beating brides and grooms (with a large stick), let’s join them and celebrate the 10 best things about movie weddings. All together now ahhhhh (puke).

Taxi Zum Klo, which translates as ‘Taxi to the Toilet’, is directed by, written by and stars Frank Ripploh as Frank Ripploh, a teacher with a very active gay sex..

As a rule, sellout films usually contain a colon and/or a number. We’re looking at you, Speed 2: Cruise Control. Yet, the definition of a ‘sellout’ is tricky, because producers are very good at making shit smell like roses, and before you know it you’re on the set of National Treasure: Book of Secrets. When you see a film and think, ‘what the devil is Globey McOscar doing in this?!’ we’ve got the three reasons behind their decision to sell their soul.

Moments that made you cry with joy, weep with laughter or go out and punch the universe because what you just saw was just too epic to believe. Here are the Top 20 Most Awesome Moments in Film! (Serious Spoiler Alert!)