Since little Saoirse Ronan has come out all freckled and hard as nails in Hanna, it got us thinking about other kick-ass girl tweens that could give Bruce lee a good hiding. You don’t want to mess with any of these chicks. Not that you would. They’re not even real, man.

Liz Lemon might be a little shocked at this side of Jack Donaghy

Holy pineapple chunks, Batman – it’s a brand new feature! Today and on every weekend until the Earth is consumed by fire and ice, we will be bringing you the pick of the week’s film gossip in a format so accessible, democratic and toothsome you might well mistake it for Peaches Geldof’s ladygarden. It’s time to round up the news…

Oh my shit, it’s April! And it’s brought along not only Fools’ Days, sweet spring showers and the prospect of some chinless wonder marrying a Sloane, but also a batch of fresh and steaming new films – some promising, others less so. Stick around as we sift through this month’s cinematic offerings week by week and separate the fresh fish (FRESH FISH, Glen Coco!) from the distinctly murky tuna salad…

Crazy bitch Juliette Lewis gets back to her hillbilly, gun-toting role-roots, and it’s about damned time.

Name: Matthew Vaughn Date of birth: 7th March, 1971 Place of birth: British but born in Beverley Hills, California Special moves: Directing, producing, writing Films Include: Layer Cake, Stardust, Kick-Ass,..

Some books – anything by Roald Dahl, DIY safety manuals, Katie And Peter: The Sweet Release Of Death – were never meant for the transition to the big screen. And we salute them for that – heck, Katie and Peter are far too camera-shy anyway, bless them. But some literary classics are just crying out for a blockbusting re-vamp, and like Gok Wan to a nation of slop-shouldered, emotionally fragile women, we are here to loudly point at what needs to go where.

The old dog tries out some new tricks – to mixed results. It has its moments, and treats its potentially sensational subject matter with the respect that, really, it deserves, but it feels very one-note, despite Eastwood’s attempts at innovation. After this and the strangely underwhelming Invictus, let’s hope Eastwood’s creative flame hasn’t ‘died’ out just yet. Arf.

As the stage is set for another bloody awful year of Nicolas Cage releasing eight thousand crappy films, we thought we’d take you on a whistle-stop tour back through his entire demented oeuvre since the Millennium. Not suitable for readers who are sensitive to unpleasant hairstyles.

Since when was Christmas all about happiness and frivolity? Thanks to Hollywood, the Christmas cinema cliché has become all about love, magic and general happiness. However, “Dearly Beloved…” – directed by David Fincher, is a whole new barrel of fish.