Yeah it’s sunny, the birds are singing and the trees are treeing and the cats are dancing – but you know what? You don’t have anyone to barbecue with, icecreams are weepingly expensive and you’re still a terrible person. HURRAH FOR THE CINEMA!

When the last trailer for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 landed online the other week, I was temporarily lost in face-devouring wow. While I’m sure the finished film will live up to my own TOWERING expectations, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time I was enchanted by a trailer only to be left disappointingly underwhelmed by the finished film itself.

Remember the golden days of George Lucas? Remember when Zemeckis was coming out with hit after hit? Remember when Tim Burton didn’t just paint everything black and shove his wife into shot? We do. We present the five directors we mourn the hardest – made all the more bitter by the fact that they’re all still alive.

Fred Cavayé’s last film, Pour Elle, was a tight and well-made thriller which was almost totally derailed by its catastrophic American remake The Next Three Days. We do hope the same won’t happen to his latest effort. Exhilarating, fast-paced and only a little bit unbelievable, Point Blank is exactly what people who liked Taken should be watching instead – it’s an action film, yes, but it’s far more than macho drivel.

As the impending atrocity that is Green Lantern looms ever closer (we’re resigned to it, we just are), we’ve decided it’s time we take a look behind the super powers.We’ve realised that it’s not the tight fitting cat suits, underwear on the outside or “inherent desire to do good” that makes a real superhero, it’s all about the blingin’ accessories! As it happens, we managed to come across a catalogue straight from the superheroes supplier detailing the ten most popular superhero accessories.

Wednesday! Lemons! X-Men! Oranges! McAvoy! Oranges! Fassbender! Lemons! Half price! Citrus! Other films! Maybe! X-MEN! We really are quite excited, you know.

There’s no such thing as a predictable superhero casting – all the best Avengers, X-Men and otherwise pumped-up persons are unlikely characters who stumble into their crime-fighting alter egos just as unexpectedly as do the actors cast to play them. With so many A-list actors now boasting a brush with superheroism on their CVs, we’ve come up with a few new suggestions…

Managing to be refreshing yet wearyingly familiar at the same time, Bridesmaids is your typical Apatow fodder: funny, crude, jolly and entirely disposable, only this time it’s with WOMEN WOMEN BLOOMIN WELL WOMEN.

He’s going to look really, really stupid with a mullet.

It’s just another day, another bloody day that’s inevitably going to roll into the next awful day and on and on so you might as well get that bit of rope and – hold on! It’s not just any old day, it’s WEDNESDAY! Half price cinema awaits! Grab your remaining friend and let two-for-one grappling commence!