In honour of the release of not-actually-dreadful supernatural romance Beautiful Creatures, we’re going to spend our Friday night submerged in the murky pool of Hollywood’s latest obsession, the supernatural romance. If you start feeling funny at the sight of non-standard dentition, or you’ve ever wanted to marry someone whose hands need combing at the end of the month, you’ve come to the right place.
Tired of watching your favourite fairytales rehashed on the big screen? With Jack The Giant Killer, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and The Hunchback of Notre Dame all in various stages of production, and a Snow White and the Huntsman sequel already announced, it seems there is no sign of the trend abating just yet. With that in mind, we look back at the best and the worst films that this emerging genre so far has to offer.
Do you remember that bit in The Woman in Black where Daniel Radcliffe inches his way along a darkened corridor, holding onto an axe and kerosene light for dearest life? Well, Silent House is that scene, only spliced to a hundred more like it. Whether you have seen the original film or not, this is one of the most effective frighteners you will see this year, elevated by a fantastic central performance and a gimmick that essentially serves the traditional found footage format its marching orders. It’s just a shame about the ending.
All singing, all dancing, all ridiculously charming – Neil Patrick Harris is back on the big screen this week as… well… Neil Patrick Harris in A Very Harold And Kumar 3D Christmas. But what else is there to know about the quick-witted, eminently well dressed pseudo-womaniser? Did someone say PRESIDENT OF THE ACADEMY OF MAGICAL ART? That’s right.
Because there’s nothing less attractive to a wet-lipped young maiden than a tattooed, pierced, bad-ass motorcycle demon with a past so tortured he like, can’t even talk about it (until he does). I always wondered what Beauty and the Beast would be like if, instead of good, it was like, really, really awful. Now I know.
In a week simply splattered with bank holidays, today’s Wednesday is cunningly dressed as a dapper wee Thursday, complete with seductive near-weekend properties and an air of spontaneous, carefree mischief. BUT WE ARE NOT FOOLED. Wednesday is what you are sir, and as such you will let us in the cinema for cheap, YOU HEAR?
Oh my shit, it’s April! And it’s brought along not only Fools’ Days, sweet spring showers and the prospect of some chinless wonder marrying a Sloane, but also a batch of fresh and steaming new films – some promising, others less so. Stick around as we sift through this month’s cinematic offerings week by week and separate the fresh fish (FRESH FISH, Glen Coco!) from the distinctly murky tuna salad…
Neatly bridging the gap between this year’s glut of sci-fi films and the ongoing demand for unusual teenagers who, like, can’t fit in because they’re vampires (or werewolves or gay or whatever else), I Am Number Four will certainly be popular. Michael Bay should be crucified for ruining yet another film with his stupid flashing lights, but who cares when there’s a hunky alien loose?
Snipe London
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