Sigh. Ryan, why make it so difficult for us?

And Mars, thank goodness, is nowhere in sight.

‘This is a film about a runaway train.’ The previous sentence is true, but it completely fails to capture the essential magnificence of Unstoppable so we’re going to try another sentence. ‘This is a film directed by Tony ‘Top Gun’ Scott in which Malcolm X and James T Kirk have to drive a train 80mph – in reverse – in order to chase down a half-mile long locomotive missile before it mashes an entire city.’ Yeah, that’s more like it.

Hurrah for the bloody goriness that is Guy Fawkes day! A proud, dastardly time indeed in our national history, and a great excuse to give children some fire to mess around with. So considering the film world is usually so ready and willing to hijack our most exciting tales, our question is, where are the films to accompany Bonfire Night?

It’s always a risk when film-makers decide to try and attach heavily religious messages to blockbusters, and it doesn’t get more heavy-handed than in The Book Of Eli. Sadly, this post-apocalyptic story of one man’s quest to bring Jesus-based enlightenment to a wretched humanity comes off as what it is; a sermon with added guns.

Denzel Washington crashes onto DVD with the remake of the 1974 Taking of Pelham 123, also starring John Travolta in another of his couldn’t-care-less villain roles. What happened, John? You used to be cool, and you ain’t gonna get another gig like Pulp Fiction anytime soon. Sort it out. And lose some weight.

It’s always a risk when film-makers decide to try and attach heavily religious messages to blockbusters, and it doesn’t get more heavy-handed than in The Book Of Eli. Overall, though Eli is willing to trek across the world to save a story, we’re not sure we’d do this same with this one. It’s The Road with a book instead of a kid, and frankly, that’s not enough of a reason to spend your money.

From Brit-grit gangsters in 44 Inch Chest to hard-hitting drama in Brothers, Best For Film looks at all the upcoming releases and lets you know what’s worth the price of admission. Also up this month we’ve got the hotly anticipated crime drama A Prophet, rom-coms from Sandra Bullock, The Book of Eli, Up in the Air and heist action in Armored.