Our souls feel like that frog thing that Jar Jar Binks accidentally fires at Sebulba.

George Lucas’ mammoth rerelease of all six Star Wars films in 3D has finally begun with the most profitable of them all, 1999’s The Phantom Menace. Are you thinking about going to see it, just for old times’ sake? DON’T. There’s no need for you to ruin your comfortably rose-tinted memories of Lucas’ increasingly childish ‘space operas’, and he’ll only use the money to increase the diameter of his neck some more…

Martin Lucas King?

BORING

Remake? No. Reinvent? Yes! Join us on an adventure in repetition as we go on an adventure in repetition. Learn your what to do and (more importantly) what not to do in the many occasions throughout your life when you will be called upon to direct the remake of a classic movie.

Ever since Star Wars fans staged a boycott against George Lucas’ latest milk-the-hell-outta-previous-success scheme (namely, his heavily adapted Blu Ray editions), we’ve been at breaking point with the bearded man. So, like your very own Ghost Of Film-Mistakes Past, I’ll be taking him backwards through time in the hopes that looking at his mistakes anew will make him a better person. Here are the Top 10 WTF Moments of George Lucas’ Career

CGI can be brilliant when placed in the right hands but, as always, with great power comes great responsibility. While most filmmakers can resist the temptation of overdosing on special effects, there’s a few out there who would quite happily shoot themselves up with as much computer imagery as possible and then lie there in a happy stupor, admiring the monsters they have created. Here are the 10 worst CGI moments ever…

Darth Lucas has altered the originals once again. And the rebel forces are gathering…

It’s nearly Bank Holiday weekend, and thunder is shaking the turrets of Best For Film Towers. Perfect. As you prepare for your thoroughly underwhelming trips to Margate, Skegness or possibly Croydon, spare a thought for the grammatical gladiators assigned to fight it out in the unseasonably empty arena of the Friday Face/Off! All together now: a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…

Remember the golden days of George Lucas? Remember when Zemeckis was coming out with hit after hit? Remember when Tim Burton didn’t just paint everything black and shove his wife into shot? We do. We present the five directors we mourn the hardest – made all the more bitter by the fact that they’re all still alive.