The great stones of BFF towers are looking sparse and sad today, mainly because resident guard-human Magda is nowhere to be found (she’s a danger to herself and others when she’s roused), and John’s chair keeps collapsing annoyingly/hilariously. Still, tis Orange Wednesday dammit, and the power of two for one MUST BE RESPECTED.

God of Love, directed by loveable mophead Luke Matheny, won ‘best live action short film’ at the 2011 Oscars. Check out the trailer and bask in its noodley charm. Oh, so Woody-Allenesque and noodley!

Some ‘reimaginings’ of classic horror films are truly dire – House of Wax, anyone? – but there are a few examples which have endured just as impressively as their inspirations. So, just in case you haven’t grimaced enough today, it’s our Top 10 horror remakes!

We don’t want to blow our own trumpets, but this might be the best Monday Mash-Up yet. Obviously we think much the same thoughts every week, but there’s no reason to leave good opinions of that nature in our internal monologue forever. What do you think? Have a bloody look!

Best For Film. Robert Downey Jr. Zach Galifianakis. Free films. LOADS OF PRIZES! If those are all words which excite you to a greater or lesser degree, then whatever you’re doing right now – reading, watching TV, juggling – is fundamentally wrong for you. What should you be doing instead? You should be entering the Due Date Dash.

How do you know what you’re going to see at the cinema next month? You’re busy people – Facebook won’t update itself, and you’ve probably got a relationship to neglect or something. Oh, you haven’t? Sorry. Well, there’s no point in trying to meet another human adult now, you may as well just read this blog.

At the turn of the millennium, while we ordinary folk were struggling with our spelling, the Harry Potter Three; Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint were being pampered and preened, photographed and photoshopped, and showered with riches. It’s enough to give us ordinary folk a severe case of heebie-jeebie jealousy. Most importantly, it’s enough to send the trio abso-Jackson-lutely mental. Here, we provide the frankest, honestest account of the baffling circus that became the lives of the cursed stars from 2011 to the present day (which is 2031, of course).

Important historical events have been grist to Hollywood’s mill for literally thousands of years. But the same old boring battles and speeches by kings are used as plot-fodder time and again. Here are some suggestions for amazing films based on less heralded moments in history.

Oranges and Lemons, say the bells of Saint Clement’s! Christ only knows who Saint Clement was (he would, definitely), but when it comes to finding out which of this week’s releases are bathed in luxurious and giving orange nectar and which are dripping with malign lemony piss, we’ve got it down pat.

Everyone loves a villain – more fun to play, watch and steal quotes from than any floppy-haired namby-pamby good guy, and usually prettier to boot. It’s such a shame they always seem to end up getting shot/stabbed/thrown off buildings/drowned/burnt by hot doorknobs (damn you, Kevin McCallister), so we thought we’d round up some of our favourites for a Who’s Who of all the bad guys that really should have won.