Just when we thought the Expendables series couldn’t get any better, word has reached us that producer Adi Shankar has plans to make an all-female version of action ensemble. Director of the sequel, Simon West has stated that he is fully on board with the idea (WHO WOULDN’T BE?) and would like to see a line-up involving the likes of Angelina Jolie, Cameron Diaz, Milla Jovovich, Helen Mirren and Jamie Lee Curtis. We can see the appeal of those casting choices but here at BFF (which otherwise stands for Best For Females) we’ve dreamed up a list with a little more bite. So here it is chaps and chapettes: the top ten ovarylicious casting choices for an all-female Expendables. WARNING: Due to her recent involvement in the unforgivable Red Lights, Sigourney Weaver has been banned from this list.

Sigourney Weaver is back on our screens this week with Red Lights, her third dismal thriller in under a year. But there’s more than guns and Cillian Murphy to the Queen of Sci-Fi, the woman credited with finally bringing gender balance to the Force from Ghostbusters to Avatar. Oh, and did you know she’s part of a club that includes Jamie Foxx, Emma Thompson and Al Pacino? It’s Cheat Sheet o’clock!

You might think that a thriller featuring big names like Robert De Niro, Sigourney Weaver and Cillian Murphy – alongside brand-new hot property Elizabeth Olsen – would at the very least be a slickly filmed, if creatively hollow, venture. Sure, Robert De Niro was in New Year’s Eve and thus has obviously lost his marbles. But Cillian Murphy wouldn’t be in a film that didn’t make sense, would he? You’d think that wouldn’t you? But no. Nope. You won’t find anything plausible here; only a collection of dodgy, derivative, poorly-acted strands mashed together like a jigsaw done by a drunk toddler. And not as fun to watch.

YES, ROBERT! COME BACK TO US!