It doesn’t start brilliantly, but that’s kind of the point. For the first act, You’re Next sticks to genre staples and conventions; if reviews and trailers have prepared you for a wry horror comedy, you might follow the cold opening dispatch of a post-coital couple, complete with “eugh, really?” pointless nudity, with a “…ha?” It…

When it comes to the ocean, nothing quite terrifies us measly humans like a great white shark. Jaws is still the best and Deep Blue Sea held its own but beyond that this monster of the deep has had some rather pitiful cinematic representations. In 2012, the Land Down Under in conjunction with the Lion City sought to remedy this terrible Hollywood failing, with a shark tale that turns out not half bad.

Step Up 3D has lots of very talented dancers in it, which is all well and good. Unfortunately, not a single one of them could act their way out of a damp paper bag. Which is not so good. This film will definitely be a waste of your time, unless you’re 14 years old and think that a plot is somewhere to grow vegetables.