How do you judge the greatest horror film ever made? Is it how near you come to running out the room, sweating? Is it the intensity of the nightmares that follow? Or is it the film that sparks off agorophobia? If that is the criteria, then Big Momma’s House gets my vote.

A sleepy rural village, inexplicable teenage deaths and some spooky link to a serial killer long dead – get ready for Wes Craven’s latest horror! What’s that? That’s the exact plot of The Nightmare On Elm Street, also by Wes Craven? Oh stop being such a kill-joy! My Soul To Take breaks new ground for many reasons… erm… it’s in 3D?

There’s nothing like new blood to pump some life into a dying franchise, and no-one knows that better than the people over at Dimension Films. To brighten up the tired old Scream series director Wes Craven is hiring a lot of nubile young things to murder in colourful ways. So who’s on board?

Not content with desecrating the legacy of such horror classics as The Wicker Man, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hitchcock’s own Psycho, Hollywood is now setting out to turn The Birds into yet another lifeless, pointless, remake.