Sinister is frustrating, in that it’s almost a brilliant horror movie. It’s still a very good one; darkly disturbing, well acted, effectively shot and – yes – scary, but ironically it’s the film’s attempts at distancing itself from the plethora of sub-par horrors that ends up damaging the final product. Still, if you’re after an hour and a half of intense psychological and supernatural terror, Sinister delivers an oppressively creepy atmosphere and some genuinely disturbing imagery.
British horror films. The very mention of the genre is enough to strike fear into the heart of many a film goer, although not necessarily for the right reasons. If a bunch of half naked, shiny haired teenagers being decapitated just doesn’t do it for you, then perhaps the horrific and bizarre Berberian Sound Studio is right up your street. However if the main read in your life is The Daily Mail it might be best to stick to the slutty teens…
Really? OK – Battle of the Pacific is a dreary WWII yarn sold to me by Best For Film as a ‘Martin Sheen war drama’, which is true if you take ‘Martin Sheen’ to mean ‘Daniel Baldwin’ and ‘war drama’ to mean ‘fiasco’. Running at a good two hours that feel like a bad three, I only made it to the end by turning the sound down and practicing my ukulele as I waited eagerly for the bad news from Hiroshima – and before you mount your moral high horse, just try sitting through Battle of the Pacific yourself and then tell me you don’t want to see people die.
Watch out Abercrombies! Pussy Galore’s got a gun and she knows how to use it! Taking a leaf out of Simon Pegg’s book, Cockneys vs Zombies is a very British look at how a zombie plague would pan out. Sadly it lacks enough content to provide real bite. Whilst Cockneys has a lot of heart…and brains…and limbs, it is missing a lot of the humour that the title hints at to make it a classic Brit horror.
In 2006, unofficially-crowned Worst Director of All Time Uwe Boll made an action-fantasy video-game adaptation (of the Dungeon Siege games) called In The Name Of The King. It cost $60million, starred Jason Statham and Ron Perlman, and boasted supporting turns from Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds. It made less than $14million and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 4%. Now, six years later, he’s made a sequel. Super.
Matt Smith (yes, Doctor Who) and Eva Green (yes, Eva Green) made this in 2010. Originally called Womb, it had to be rebranded as Clone for the UK DVD release. The story of a woman who clones and gives birth to her dead boyfriend, you’d think this would be amazing sci-fi, or at least amazingly bad, but in fact it’s just a beautifully shot, but painfully dull story, lacking the gross factor, the sci-fi factor or even the moral debate about the concept of cloning factor. Matt Smith is great though.
Ball-achingly slow, utterly pointless and with a completely inexplicable ending, The Paranormal Incident is a glossy, shining example of exactly what not to do with $3million and a camera. You could have made some really nice, 1080p HD hardcore porn with that sort of budget; it probably would have been better-scripted, better-shot and better-acted than this steaming pile of puerile garbage.
Truth or dare? Think carefully about your choice, especially if the person asking you is a gun-wielding, ex-army, gay-hating lunatic. The bad guy in Robert Heath’s new horror is all of these, as well as being a David Tennant lookalike with a posh voice and a lot more money than sense. This is yet another addition to the oversaturated low budget Brit Horror genre and it seems that British horror writers’ love affair with sex, death and drug-taking kids is sadly far from over. If you fancy a laugh then Truth or Dare is a good choice… unfortunately all of the laughs are unintentional.
Are you in the mood for a horror film? Then stay away from this turkey. If you ever thought it was impossible to make a horror with zero scares in it then think again. Dark Mirror manages to be one of the most tedious films ever made, which is strange as the idea behind the story is tried and tested and even features in old children’s show Are You Afraid of the Dark. The children’s version however is far scarier than this could ever be and better acted too. If you had a camera that killed whoever you took a photo of, what would you do? I’d find the director of Dark Mirror and pap the crap out of him…