So, you know Marvel Avengers Assemble? No, not The Avengers, that’s the sensible old-fashioned name for it. Marvel Avengers Assemble is the sort of film title you get when you genuinely think that teenage boys in, like, Warrington are going to know more about John Steed and Emma Peel (although not Emma Steed, who is actually a Marvel character) than about Iron Man and the Hulk. Idiots.

Anyway, there’s a new trailer. Want to watch it? It’s fanboy GOLD:

Right. Did you get all that?

Devastation… refugees… running… exploding… Fury!… soldiers… guns… HQ… copter… punchbag… shack… Banner… eye candy… HULK OUT! (this is more like it) G-Men – HAMMER – lightning – planes – handshake – IRON MAN! – walk-on wardrobe – cock fight – threesome – THIS YEAR – flying – Thor – costumes – spinning kick – breaking glass – Cap flying Iron Man landing Loki snarling HAMMER + SHIELD = BOOM Loki striding people kneeling planes zooming pop-eyed bitch crying Hawkeye arrowing HULK SPRINT HULK SNARL HULK JUMP BANG YELL BANG TWANG HAND (IRON) MAN VROOM ZOOM BOOM HULK CATCH HULK BRAKE “We were never trained for this.” You fucking think? ROAR HOVER NOCK HAMMER POSE SHIELD CRAPPY NEW TITLE TONY BRINGS THE PARTY OH FUCK end.

And… breathe. See you in April, heart attack fans!