There’s always a time when you could do with a zombie; they’re useful for everything from keeping your place in queues to warning the neighbours not to do their DIY when you’re asleep (“Or Ralph here will just push the fecking wall down, geddit?”). But how the devil do you go about getting one? Luckily for you, we’ve collated some of the best zombie recipes in cinema history…

Shhhiiiiiiittt.

Escape real-life horror this 2011 with the lovely dark thrill of the cinema. We’ve got a grab-bag of the top (nearly) 30 best horror films in 2011, from franchise blockbuster to indie foreign horror. Actually, 28. We had 30 but the last two were rubbish.

Competition closed. Winners: S Brash, P Gossage, P Pink, S Castle, P Celments

Following up on our list of best horror remakes, guest blogger Richard has bitten the bullet and sat through some of the worst. Reading this blog may be cause for a little sympathetic squirming; still, at least you’ll never have to feel the real pain of seeing a classic defiled. Tedium. Silliness. Irrelevance – these films have em all!

If you love horror films and you have at least twenty-four hours to live, then there is absolutely nothing you should be doing more than reading (and subsequently adhering to) this itinerary. How else are you going to know what to watch at six thirty in the morning when you’ve just watched a zombie baby rip someone’s head open?

Dane Cook gets semi-serious and meters out some punishment (and no, it’s not another stand-up routine).

Some ‘reimaginings’ of classic horror films are truly dire – House of Wax, anyone? – but there are a few examples which have endured just as impressively as their inspirations. So, just in case you haven’t grimaced enough today, it’s our Top 10 horror remakes!

Nothing groundbreaking or awe-inspiring to be seen here, but John Carpenter being just okay is still better than no John Carpenter at all. Flimsy plot and performances, but what you’re forking over for is the shocks, and he still delivers better than most. Will leave you thinking, “Come on, John… let’s next time get our hands REALLY dirty.”

***** 5 Star – Awesome horror, it doesn’t get any better than this!