WE SALUTE YOU.

Today marks the release of the third – the actual third – film in the Chipmunks series (whywhywhywhywhywhywhoisresponsibleforthis). Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked (we don’t see what you did there. Can someone explain the joke?) follows the Chipmunks and their girlfriends (?) the Chipettes as they go on a cruise (why?). They fall overboard and get shipwrecked (ohhhh we get it now! This film needs to die). In honour of this film’s arrival, we bring you this week’s drinking game. So hollow out a coconut, fill it with Malibu, pop in a DVD and settle down with your favourite anthropomorphised ball.

First they released Alvin and the Chipmunks, a horrifically high-pitched cacophony of holiday season ‘fun’. With kids flocking to the cinemas in droves, the inevitable follow-up, painfully labelled ‘The Squeakquel’ materialised in late 2009. Following the DVD marketing mantra of “everyone loves a film series packaged in the same box with loads of extras” to the letter, the unavoidable ‘Double Trouble’ has surfaced, breaking the record for “the biggest piece of crap to ever be released in a two-disc box set”.

Having conquered the small screen, it seems that Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane has turned his attention to the big screen with his upcoming debut movie, Ted. Described as a “Hard R” comedy about a man and his teddy bear (yes ladies and gentlemen, you read that right), Ted is rumoured to be a live-action meets CGI movie in the vein of Alvin and the Chipmunks (except miles, miles better of course).

A bumbling slacker runs over the Easter Bunny and must nurse him to health and save Easter. No, we’re not kidding, it’s the plot of I Hop, a new zany family comedy that starts shooting this autumn. The only possible saving grace? The Easter Bunny is voiced by Russell Brand.

It’s sad when your realise something you used to find endless entertainment in as a child is no longer appealing to you. Much like discovering we would rather play drinking games than jump rope, it seems the time has come where we may have outgrown the Chipmunks. Either that or this modern-day retelling of the rodents’ rise to fame in the music industry was, well, crap.

You don’t need us to tell you this was never going to be a good film, but in the age of Up and Where the Wild Things Are, there’s always a chance kids’ movies might surprise you. No surprises here unfortunately – this sequel to the equally inane Alvin and the Chipmunks sees our high-pitched protagonists dealing with high school and a rival rodent-based pop group with typical stupidity and slapstick humour. The plot is formulaic, there’s no acting to speak of and there’s enough cutesyness to test even the strongest stomach.

Jason Lee, star of debatably unfunny TV comedy My Name is Earl and not-so-debatably unfunny Alvin and the Chipmunks, has signed on to make his directorial debut next year.