If you had to associate a string of letters with Keeley Hazell, they’d be more likely to be 32F-24-36 than Ph.D or RADA. Nevertheless, the former Page 3 Idol is apparently taking on the updated role of the goddess of love in a film based on the classical myth of Aphrodite and Adonis.

No, you didn’t misread that. Aphrodite and Adonis. Classic story of love and loss. Keeley Hazell.

We simply don’t know what to make of what we’ve heard so far, which indicates that Keeley (she’s playing herself, keepin’ it real and so on) takes up Latin translation as a hobby and a way to avoid her slavering Sun-reading fans. So far, so improbable. However, she also acquires magical powers through her study of the language (obviously) and, if some degree of fidelity to the legend can be assumed, seduces an improbable attractive youngster who goes on to be gored to death by a boar acting on the orders of Keeley’s paramour Ares, the god of war. Or something. Anyway, here’s a trailer:

We must be getting very, very old all of a sudden.