There’s only one villain who has really been the salsa on the Old El Batman enchilada, and that’s the Joker. Between Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, that role is all sewn up, and we pray no one ever touches it again. Ever. However, with Tom Hardy’s Bane looking legitimately bed-wettingly scary, we at BFF Towers wondered why so many of Batman’s other enemies didn’t make the cut. From Anarky to Calendar Man, let us take you through what could have been, if Nolan’s films had been intended for the Disney Channel.

In which Jon Snow still isn’t getting any.

Joaquin Phoenix has deigned to shave and learn lines again! Have an Oscar, sir.

Fresh off her positively beatific performance in Glee-does-gospel movie Joyful Noise opposite Dolly Parton, we’ve chosen to turn our gaze onto Queen Latifah for this week’s Cheat Sheet, on the basis that most of the BFF team haven’t a clue why we like her so much. And we’re afraid that God won’t love us anymore if we don’t, since He can be a real son of a baptist about these things.

A Tarantino-style Spanish romp which veers wildly between harrowing violence and hilarious gutter-humour, Neon Flesh is by no means a comfortable viewing experience. With a shining cast and a cracking soundtrack, this totally classless 100-minute bloodbath, against the odds, manages to strike just the right note; Neon Flesh is an unusual portrayal of poverty, parenthood and perversion that affects you far more by the end than you thought it would in the beginning.

We’ll tell you how he became the Fresh Prince of a town called shithole.

That is the ugliest effing gun I’ve ever seen.

Wolverine goes abroad – this must mean Jessica Biel in a bikini, right?

TO INFINITY…AND oh wait, that’s a better superhero character. Never mind.

This Friday, contrary to what you may believe, is a Friday different to any other. Not because it’s Friday the 13th, but because today is the day Harrison Ford turns 70. Yes. Seventy whole years ago on this hallowed day, before Gary Oldman’s Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy even got a look in, the original badass multi-tasker was born. So come on in and raid our lost ark for your dignity as we raise a glass or seven for the inimitable Indiana Jones in this week’s Friday Drinking Game.