In American Football – the opening credits of The Blind Side inform us – the highest paid player is the Quarterback. The second highest player is the Left Tackle – as the first bill you pay might be the mortgage, but the second is always the insurance. Now for anyone not American (a spectrum that very much includes us), this poignant opening message is kind of lost. But what emerges in the preceding film is an uplifting true story that emphasizes a message of the importance of protection, loyalty and trust. Which we’re pretty sure is what the Left Tackle thing is about. Yeah, we totally speak Football!
Kick-down, touch-up and homoerotic falling down!

This is War is a documentary that feels like a movie. A marine’s footage of training, fighting and surviving in Iraq has been turned by professionals into an experience that says little of politics, but plenty about what it’s like to be a marine. Like Jarhead… but real.

Everyone loves a buddy comedy, right? Sure the laughs are cheap, but generally they’re thick, fast and cheerful, with a plot that careers like an enthusiastic labrador to a satisfyingly predictable conclusion. Bless them, we say. Bless all who ride in them. Unless, of course, you’re talking about Hot Tub Time Machine; the laziest, dully-degrading, least funny bromance movie we’ve seen in some time, made all the more offensive by the evident comic potential of the cast. Oh dear oh dear. And the title was so awesome.

Cute and cuddly woodland creatures including squirrels, deer, mice and groundhogs are revolting. Revolting against the real estate developers, who are encroaching on their territory, razing acres of lush, natural habitat to make way for ecologically-unsound housing estates. In Roger Kumble’s family-orientated comedy, Mother Nature fights back tooth and claw (and hoof and feather) against the pesky human invaders. And Brendan Fraser is in it. For some reason.

There are 150,000 endangered tigers in the world – and one is in your house. Classy low-budget action thriller Burning Bright is more than just a tiger action movie. It’s a heartstopping ride with human interest and genuine surprises in store…

The lunatics are taking over the asylum, or that’s what Martin Scorsese’s impeccably crafted Shutter Island would have us believe. But then perception and reality are completely blurred in this 1950s-set mystery, adapted by screenwriter Laeta Kalogridis from the best-seller by Dennis Lehane (Mystic River, Gone Baby Gone).

Sad boy meets sad girl. Said sad boy and sad girl inevitably fall in love. Whilst it would be easy to summarise Remember Me as such, it would be crude to reduce R Patz’ latest venture to such terms. Remember Me is a dark, brooding, and occasionally heart-wrenching affair (yes, really), but unfortunately this new Robert Pattinson film fails to reach its potential.

Hong Kong legend Jackie Chan may be comfortably in his fifties, but he still manages to put many of the action genre’s young pretenders to shame with his acrobatics in The Spy Next Door. Targeted at families, Brian Levant’s high-tech comedy marries the martial arts prowess of the leading man with slapstick and lots of family friendly violence. What can we say, kids love people getting hit in the face with pans. Bless them.

Released in 2005, the original Nanny McPhee was a strong successor to Mary Poppins in every way. Adapted from the Nurse Matilda books by Christianna Brand, the film pitted seven mischievous tykes against an ugly woman with a snaggle tooth, warts and an oversized nose, who had a few tricks up her sleeve when it came to childcare. Susanna White’s colourful sequel casts an even more bewitching spell, introducing the mysterious nanny to a family in crisis in wartime Britain.

Ah Paris. City of love. Known throughout the world for romantic overtures, fine cuisine, star-lit walks and, of course, kick-ass car chases. Director Pierre Morel returns to the scene of previous cinematic crimes for this explosive tour of the capital in the company of two mismatched American agents on a quest to dismantle a terrorist cell. Unfortunately, the terrible script and dodgy casting means that the only love we brought back from Paris was the relief in seeing the ending credits.