In all honesty, you might not even need to read this review; Stonehenge Apocalypse is exactly as you imagined it when you saw the SKULL IN A MUSHROOM CLOUD on its poster. Still, know thine enemy and all that…

Continuing his increasingly long-standing tradition of making films just good enough to remind you how much better they could have been, Woody Allen’s 47th outing as a writer and 44th as a director is quirky and charming – it’s a shame that a slew of solid performances aren’t enough to disguise its essential emptiness.

Sharktopus, yet another mindless and tacky film from B movie re-enactors the SyFy channel, is completely dreadful. No, really. Completely dreadful. You might be one of the people who likes watching shit films and laughing at how shit they are, but even so the antics of this absurd hybrid may leave you struggling to crack a smile.

Hats off to the ambitious Ink team for creating a gloriously immersive fantasy world on a micro-budget: no mean feat for even the most skilled of film-makers. Definitely at the upper end of the indie-spectrum, there is much originality and innovation to admire this surreal tale of one man’s redemption. It’s just a shame the dialogue never quite reaches the same heights as the rest of the production values.

Big Momma is back for a third joyless excursion into ‘let’s-all-laugh-at-the-silly-black-woman-because-it-doesn’t-count-as-racism’ territory, which now features a second ridiculous fat-suited goon – now with extra rapping!. I hope Martin Lawrence spends his evenings thinking about how he’d be more use to humanity as fertiliser, sobbing onto his immorally inflated bank statements.

A touching tale about a man navigating his way through conflicting relationships, He’s My Girl is an unexpected, quietly charming and exceedingly Parisian love story. There are perhaps a few too many loose ends left hanging for it to be a truly satisfying watch, but there’s no question that this is an extremely classy alternative to your Nora Ephron-type fodder.

“A city in conflict” reads the tag line, but that doesn’t even begin to cover the violent nature of Jaffa’s Ajami neighbour hood. Ajami attempts to capture the lives of various families caught up in this lethal religious boiling pot.

A searing, ironic and deeply unsettling expose of modern society and the values it trumpets; it could be that the seminal Just Go With It succeeds in unpacking the dark issues of our control state that George Orwell’s 1984 failed to address. Or else I just paid ten pounds for an guided tour of Adam “I’m young, I SWEAR IT” Sandler’s wank bank. Tricky.

If you’re looking for some kind of ‘bears shit in the woods’ joke, you’re going to have to go elsewhere. Yogi Bear is re-interpreted in this 3D CGI feature, a below-average kids film that is somewhat redeemed by its cute moral tale about the environment. Save the world, man.

First there was Spaced, then there was Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. Now, from the pen of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, comes Paul – the ultimate sci-fi geek comedy. Can this comic US road-trip live up to the witty British outings we’re used to seeing from Pegg?