The dearly departed Shrek franchise is given a welcome dose of prequel shock treatment in this high-octane and utterly shameless Zorro rip-off. THRILL to Puss’ mesmerising swordplay! GASP as Kitty Softpaws steals all of the things, all of the time! WONDER why nobody comments on the sudden plague of accented cats!

Penguins! Hilarious, adorable penguins! If there’s penguins, this must be a good film, right? Only…why do the penguins dance? And sing? What is it all in aid of? If Happy Feet Two was actually a good film, you’d probably be able to put up with its directionless, occasionally very odd tone. But, as things stand, well it’s all just a bit of a wet fish in the face.

There are some people in this world who really love puppies; little girls, mostly, or pre-teens, or middle-aged folks with not a lot else to fill their days. This film is their Holy Grail. It’s as if the Cutest Puppies Of 2011 calendar they have hanging in their bedroom has come to life on screen and, not unexpectedly, it’s annoyingly adorable…

This documentary following the annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest is sweet, funny and at times, very poignant. PLUS LOOK AT ALL THE FUNNY DOGGIES. They’re so ugly and cute at the same time it blows my mind. Apart from that one with the red eye. That is one terrifying red eye right there.

WARNING: do not watch this film near children, your parents, or vulnerable dogs. Or in an office surrounded by people with eyes. Or alone in a dark room. It’s rapey and also a bit just like porn at times. And there’s a crossbow! And more rape. Just maybe avoid it altogether if you’re not a fan of the things I just said.

Prepare yourself for a relentless onslaught of legendary British voices, classic Aardman stylings, slick 3D and more Christmas spirit than you could shake even a really big candy cane at – it could only be Arthur Christmas. And it’s totally, overwhelmingly charming, just like you knew it would be. What are you doing on a computer? Just go and watch it, Scrooge – and would it kill you to wear a snazzy jumper?

What is it with low budget debuts and terrible bloody titles? Unfortunately, unlike the surprisingly good A Spanking In Paradise, Pinching Penny shows promise but is crippled by its own adolescence.

Daniel Craig goes all Doctor Doolittle in this fun little documentary that tries to convince us that, deep down,we’re not so different from the animals. Actually, as it turns out,that only applies to Daniel Craig.

What would happen if the creators of Catfish, Doctor Who and Saw all got together, downed a few pints and then decided to make a film? Why, you’d get Panic Button of course!

A lovely lady and her video camera go round the streets of LA and follow the lives of a half dozen homeless across the course of a few years. Hilarity ensues. Wait, it doesn’t? Oh, you mean it’s actually quite depressing? Also a bit uplifting? Well, that sounds worth a watch.