Dance theatre is not a dirty word. Even if you normally find the idea of a film that contains almost nothing but dance to be the purest form of hell, the sheer quality of the dancing on display in Pina – and the immaculate way in which it’s presented – make it difficult to resist.

Ralph Fiennes’ directorial debut takes on one of the darkest and most violent of Shakespeare’s tragedies with gorily glorious results. Combining a talented and varied central cast with an intelligently updated script which transports the play to the war-torn present day, Coriolanus is Shakespeare for the Call of Duty generation.

What’s Your Number? tells the story of Ally Darling a woman who, upon discovering that sleeping with more then twenty men is a one-way ticket to Spinster City via Loneliness Junction, retraces her dating past in an attempt to unearth ‘the one’ she may have discarded. Of course, LOVE was waiting JUST NEXT DOOR. Predictable, yes. A fun way to waste an afternoon? Also yes.

The muscle babes of Die Hard and G-Unit come in Setup, a painfully predictable action thriller. With plenty of guns, a bald mob boss or two, a handful of heavily clichéd Russians, a thirst for vengeance and the odd sexy lying bitch, there really isn’t anything original to this diamond heist gone wrong. Except for Fiddy Cent in a role where he takes no prisoners. Oh wait…

What do a dying Sheikh, a bunch of SAS guys and Clive Owen with a dodgy moustache have in common? They all want to screw up Jason Statham’s day, and he won’t let them. Killer Elite tells the story of an ex-hitman out of retirement for One Last Hurrah. It’s not as predictable as you might think. Oddly, that doesn’t help matters.

Your mobile phone is great for many reasons It keeps you amused with a flock of angry birds, allows you to feign conversation when that weirdo on the tube won’t stop yelling… and may be helping fund wars in Africa. Most of you have probably stumbled across the term ‘blood diamond’ before, but have you heard of ‘blood minerals’? And did you know that not a single mobile phone manufacturer can guarantee that the phones they sell are free from blood minerals? We thought not.

Either your entire family was recently captured by Somali pirates whilst on a pleasure cruise and you were forced to watch each of them being systematically tortured in an attempt to get you to release the codes for the Swiss bank vault containing the family fortune, or Abduction will be the worst thing you’ve seen this year. It’s as simple as that, really.

Who would have thought that the history of one of Australia’s greatest environmental catastrophes could have been so enjoyable? The Cane Toad or, as some Down Under like to call it, Public Enemy Number One, enjoys an in-depth documentary courtesy of toad-addict Mark Lewis. It tickles the funny bone, sure, but it teaches us that the toads are an unstoppable rebel force and they will take Australia, no matter what…

Kingdom of Gladiators tells the story of a king who makes a pact with a demon, and then has a gladiator tournament, and these two things are somehow connected. Steer clear if you can, this tits-and-hits action film offers a very poor show of both the former and the latter.

It sounds like it’s going to be the cheesiest film in the world, doesn’t it? “When you come back from a loss, beat the odds, and never say never, you find a champion.” Yiesh, could they lay it on any thicker? If you wade through the Hollywood clichés, you’ll find the true story of a teen amputee who followed her dreams to become a champion surfer. But there’s a LOT of wading…