It’s the third of December already, and we haven’t even DISCUSSED the possibility of a snowman coming to life and abducting a child (not like that, Taylor) before flying it to some sort of snowman rave in Lapland. Have we? And I don’t want to frighten you, but there’s every chance that David Bowie could be implicit in this horrific crime. Just something to think about.

It’s Stockholm Syndrome, somewhere inside he’s shivering and shitting himself. RUN, ALED!