Friday Drinking Game #29 – Twilight

Virgin Cosmos at the ready, chicas! The penultimate chapter in the Twilight series is currently in the picture houses and what better way to celebrate than with a drinking game this fine Friday eve? Settle down, press play on your VCR and let the PG-13 fun begin!


Two people share a lingering glance which makes you OMGOMGOMG because you’re thinking WHAT COULD BE GOING ON IN THEIR BRAINS? It’s always so difficult to tell because these films are built on a great deal of subtext.

Edward and Jacob have homoerotic tension and they have to change their pants afterwards.

Edward sparkles and you have to change your pants afterwards.


Bella is in MORTAL DANGER and you are so worried because if she doesn’t make it then what will happen to Edward? Where will he ever find another pale-faced bore? He’ll be alone and sparkly for eternity!

The mortal danger is swiftly and non-violently resolved and you’re like “PHEW THAT WAS CLOSE. Wasn’t that close, everyone? I’m glad that conflict got resolved so soon because that was really tense there for a while”.

Jasper tries to out-act everyone with his acting face and everyone is like “Woahhhh. Did you see that? That guy can ACT!”


Jacob Black de-shirts at which point (after changing your pants) you will have to also take an extra shot of ABSinthe in honour.

Bella is torn (emotionally and/or physically) because WHO WOULDN’T BE TORN with those two hunks to choose between? You’ve got Jacob, who’s got great abs and a super high body temperature, but then you also have Edward who can read minds and pack suitcases really quickly! How does one make such a decision?

This film is absurd and your hand goes briefly to the gun lying at your side before you decide, instead, to reach for the carton of Echo Falls Rosé.


Whenever Bella and Edward are such a cute couple it makes your heart hurt and then you carefully shoot yourself in the face.

All finished? Is your glass of white wine spritzer empty? Then it’s time to don your heels and hit the town! And remember, don’t drink and dial, gals! You never know, that guy from the bar might turn out to be a newborn vampire hell-bent on exterminating all human life! Lololololololol!!111

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