Take ONE sip:

Every time someone confesses to not being human
BOO I’m a vampire. No I’m actually wolf. Lol jk I’m a witch but we prefer the term ‘caster’ thanks. Also I’m an angel and but I secretly want to be a devil IS THAT A UNICORN?

Every time not being a human gets in the way of establishing a normal relationship
Oh WOE IS ME I have all this strength and if I have sex with you I’ll destroy you and cause our child to mutilate your womb WHAT TO DO?

Every time having sex means taking out house insurance after the wreckage
Oh Jesus we had sex and now we have to pay for all the broken furniture.

Take TWO sips:

Every time the supernatural partner feels like they have to break off their relationship in order to save their human counterpart and then the aliens come
Ah well, you had a good run. Down the rest of your drink because you’re heartbroken.

Every time someone ventures into a magical realm with the hope of retrieving a star for their beloved
Just give me the box of chocolates and move on, psycho.

Every time a werewolf falls in love with a human baby
“Imprinting”? Is that what they call it these days?

Take THREE sips:

Every time the couple is locked in a loving embrace and then proceed to eat each other’s face off
And you have to look away silently crying because you’re sitting here alone on a Friday night watching every supernatural romance you can think of and drinking Lambrini.

Every time love breaks the curse
Love is all you need. Love is the answer to everything. If in doubt: love. Love love love why am I single and alone.

Every time someone gives birth to a CGI devil baby
We don’t care how little you understand about genetics, human + vampire does not = pixels.

DOWN IT YOU WEREWOLF

Whenever you suspect that your mystical lover is actually a Mormon.
“Oh hi, I’m an immortal blood-drinking monster who sparkles in the sunlight… I just can’t drink coffee. Or eat chocolate. Or wear a shirt and tie without looking like I’m going to tell you the good news.”

Right, time to get tanked up and abuse Stephenie Meyer on Twitter! See you next week…