Orange(Wednesday)s And Lemons #30

*Provisions are low at BFF towers. Arrogantly sure that screen-nourishment would come in the form of Cars 2 after the seemingly never-ending Potter-feast, our devilishly handsome team are dismayed to discover that actually, there’s very little substance to chow down on. Now living in fear as their very metaphors crash down upon them, is it time for our heroes to fly the land forever?*

Harry (genuinely wants to see Mr Popper’s Penguins):

As much as it breaks my heart to say it, Cars 2 is about as fun as a lemon in the eye. We all best just not go and see it, pretend it never happened and wait for Brave to come out next year so we can remember how great Pixar really is. As for this week’s offerings, go and seek out Gilda, the classic Rita Hayworth film noir that’s getting a re-release. Y’know that bit in The Shawshank Redemption where all the convicts are waiting for Rita Hayworth to “do that shit with the hair”? That’s from Gilda! It’s a beautiful slice of Classic Hollywood that you simply must see.

Orange Choice: Gilda
Ultimate Lemon: Cars 2


Sophie (racing off to see Beginners, so anything to the contrary is a lie):

Squeezing all the juice out of the oranges this week is the sure to be insanely funny Horrible Bosses. What’s better than casting three Hollywood hot-shots as a trio of unbelievably crazy, sex-crazed, douchy bosses that drive their employees to want to kill them? Whereas this may spur on the Global Evil Boss Massacre of 2011, I don’t care, it will still be great viewing. And careening off the road into a cart full of lemons is Cars 2. Pixar is great, Cars was alright, Cars 2 is an accident waiting to be criticised (and it has been). Sometimes less is more, Pixar.

Orange Choice: Horrible Bosses
Ultimate Lemon: Cars 2


John (eats curry before noon like some kind of maniac):

This week I’ll be proffering a genteel glass of jus d’orange to The Big Picture, the latest vehicle for tousle-haired saliva magnet Romain Duris – taut, thrilling and ever so sad, it’s a textbook drama with tension to spare. Save your lemonade for Horrible Bosses; honestly, what’s Kevin Spacey doing in such nonsense? Someone needs to tell Seth Gordon that the nineties called and asked for Jennifer Aniston back…

Orange Choice: The Big Picture
Ultimate Lemon: Horrible Bosses


DVB (knows people, know what we mean?):

You know what’s hip at the moment? Old, gay American people, despite what Glenn Beck would have you think. And so, in order to stay hip and be my friend you should seek out Beginners. Despite another iffy Ewan McGregor yankcent, it looks to be just the right blend of sweet, charming and offbeat. Send an ultimatum to Pixar by shunning Cars 2. They need to be told that cars don’t work as protagonists; once you’ve just about managed to make a pair of headlights look like eyes, how are they going to express as much emotion as Wall-E’s?

Orange Choice: Beginners
Ultimate Lemon: Cars 2


P.Neish (thought The Devil’s Double was out THIS WEEK like a broad fool):

This week I will be paying for cinema (a horrible thought, I know). As such, I have taken extra care to ensure that neither of us are forced to sit through some turgid dross that cost us approximately £8 more than it’s ultimately worth. Having already seen Horrible Bosses I can attest to the monstrous lack of funny emanating from Jason, Jason and Charlie’s admittedly chemistry-laden trio; you can rest assured that you’ve already seen the best bits for free on YouTube. Just go watch Potter again. Go on, you’ve only seen it twice, right?

Orange Choice: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2
Ultimate Lemon: Horrible Bosses


Tash (about to go apeshit):

You know what? Screw you guys. A relationship gets just a little bit tough, and you all bail. Shame on you, I say. This week I’ll be going to see Cars 2 with my teeth gritted, my tear ducts in check and my wallet devastated. No, I’m not going to enjoy it, yes Michael Caine will do that one voice he does, but dammit, it’s Pixar, we’ve been in this from the beginning and I’m not going to back out now. In terms of what you shouldn’t be watching, it’s got to be Singham: a Bollywood gangster flick with too many swooning women and not enough comedy dance routines. I enjoyed Zindagi Na Milege Dobara too much to ask for anything less than total shirtlessness.

Orange Choice: Cars 2
Ultimate Lemon: Singham


*as the knawing tensions of BFF gradually inflate to the size of a sturdy beagle, there’s no telling whether this time next week the walls of the internet will still be standing. But more importantly than that, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH TONIGHT? Argue with us below:*

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