#5 – Barry – Friends

No respect for dental hygiene or the surgery (shagging your ex-fiancee and your ex-fiancee’s best friend in the dental chair is just not on, Baz). No respect for his patients or children (that young boy who walks in on Barry and Rachel post-coital is now jerking off to everything and anything). And zero respect for the sanctity of marriage or the seriousness of his profession. This man gives dentistry a bad name, and how he can get both Rachel and Mindy wrapped around his little orthodontist finger is beyond sense. He’s not even pretty.

 

#4 – Dr Julian Winston – Cactus Flower

Dentist Dr Julian Winston is so afraid of commitment that he tells his girlfriend he’s already married, which he’s not. He’s lying. But then he falls for his girlfriend, so he recruits his dental nurse to pose as his wife and, though we haven’t seen the ending, probably gets the girl in the end. Lies, deceit, identity fraud – WE ADVOCATE NONE OF THESE THINGS. Stop bringing your private life into the practice and concentrate on your root canals, Winston.

 

#3 – Dr Julia Harris – Horrible Bosses

Ah, Jen. Jen as a brunette. Jen as a brunette in sexy clinical uniform sexually harassing poor, vulnerable, out-of-work Charlie Day. She may not be the worst kind of dentist – far from it – but she’s certainly not the easiest to work around. Because most of the time she’s half naked. Which is fine, for us. But not for dental assistant Charlie Day, who’s trying his very best to ignore Jen’s sexual advances because he’s nearly a married man and “all he’s ever wanted is to be a husband”, which is the worst storyline we’ve ever heard.

 

#2 – Orin Scrivello DDS – Little Shop of Horrors

Back when he was funny – sorta – and Twitter hadn’t screwed up his career, Steve Martin played Orin Scrivello DDS in Little Shop of Horrors, inflicting pain by drill and song. But under-anaesthetising his patients was just the start: Orin Scrivello also beat women and ran riot with the ladies, pulled the heads off children’s dolls and knocked old women unconscious. And they say the dentist isn’t scary.

 

#1 – Dr Christian Szell – Marathon Man

Is it safe? Is it balls. The most fearsome, most loathsome dentist of all, here’s a dentist who won’t think twice about cutting your throat down a busy street with his razor sharp WRIST-KNIFE, or prodding cold, tortuous metal instruments in your mouth where only nice things should go. Is he a murderer BECAUSE he’s a dentist? Or he is a dentist BECAUSE he’s a murderer? Who knows (your dentist might).

 

Have we missed your favourite cinematic tooth-fiddler? Let us know below!