You may well find yourself groaning numerous times as you read through this no-news, as there’s absolutely nothing enticing, exciting, or even mildly amusing about any aspect of it. It’s just one of those things that’ll make you lose faith in humanity that teensy little bit more. Who says you get nothing for free online?

Anyways, the embolism-inducing news is that Jennifer Aniston is to star with Adam Sandler in a new rom-com. The prospect of a gurning cretin and a hunk of balsa wood (lightweight, beige, pliable) exchanging hackneyed insults before gettin’ in awn is bad enough, but the premise of the film is enough to generate a twitch in even the most relaxed of souls.

Sandler will be playing a 40-something loser (who do they come up with this stuff!?) who’s so commitment-phobic he has a pretend wife in order to avoid any sort of meaningful relationship. It’s going under the astonishingly original title of The Pretend Wife, and when something sounds dumb for an Adam Sandler film, you know you’re in trouble. We might point out to the scriptwriters that if Sandler’s character doesn’t want any complicated relationships then he actually doesn’t have to have any. Bypass comedy, sure, but leave logic alone. It’s done nothing to you.

Dennis “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” Dugan is set to direct, which doesn’t exactly have us drooling at what’s certain to be a lame, laugh-free insult to intelligences everywhere.