You remember Johnny English, the sub-Naked Gun Bond spoof which starred Rowan Atkinson, Ben Miller, Natalie Imbruglia and, inexplicably, John Malkovich as a Frenchman. You probably liked it at the time, but the eight years since its release have hardly been scarred by a constant yearning for more glimpses of the slapstick adventures of MI7’s finest.

Fortunately, you didn’t even need to yearn; someone’s decided to inflict more English idiocy on you. Here, for your delectation, is the first trailer for Johnny English Reborn:

Yes, that was indeed Rosamund Pike. God knows we love her, but she has the worst agent in Hollywood – apart from Robert De Niro’s, natch. What on earth is she doing in this tired nonsense? And she’s not even the saddest thing about it; we’re sorry, Johnny, but referencing thrillers from Batman Begins (generic mysticism) to Inception (huge, indulgent score) isn’t going to be enough to save this. Why, Rowan? Why can’t you just leave us with our Blackadder box sets? DO YOU HEAR ME, WORMS?