Well, this is satisfying. We’ve not yet seen W.E, Madonna’s ‘first feature-length film’ (ahem hem, BOLLOCKS), but the army of critics currently absorbing the delights of the Venice Film Festival are giving the sub-King’s Speech royal abdication drama an unmitigated drubbing. God’s in his Heaven, &c…

The Guardian has once more delivered a full payload of scathing bile, with the irreproachable Xan Brooks’s review carrying the fairly unequivocal subtitle “Madonna’s jaw-dropping take on the story of Wallis Simpson is a primped and simpering folly, preening and fatally mishandled”. You may recall that his colleague Peter Bradshaw branded Filth and Wisdom (Madonna’s ACTUAL FIRST FILM) “a movie so incredibly bad that Berlin festivalgoers were staggering around yesterday in a state of clinical shock, deathly pale and mewing like maltreated kittens.” LADS.

The Telegraph was a bit more mimsy, as you might expect, and obviously we don’t buy into Rupert Murdoch’s evil empire so we’ve no idea what’s going on behind the Times paywall, but it’s no particular surprise to see the Daily Mail gushing about W.E – Madonna successfully sued the paper for several millions a few years ago and is reportedly about to do so again, so one suspects they’re covering their arses with some sycophancy. We hope you think it was worth pushing for an Oscar-friendly release date, Harvey Weinstein…

Will W.E be loathsome, or simply dreadful? Let us know below!