Piranha 3DD, the teeth’n’tits sequel which is due to ravage cinemas at some non-specific point in the next decade or so, has been graced with two new posters that drastically miss the point of the whole benighted franchise.

Listen, beleaguered director John Gulager, nobody went to see Piranha 3D for its realistic portrayal of ferocious prehistoric fishy bastards – they’re going for things like this:

So why on earth do the new posters focus on the bloody fish? Just look at these (click to embiggen):

How are those fish reflected in her glasses when she’s very clearly not underwater? And why are all the piranhas zoning in on her from underneath like that? We think she’s doing a little wee and it’s alerted them like those fish in the Amazon that follow streams of urea into other fish’s gills and dig in but sometimes if you wee in the Amazon they swim up the stream of wee and hide inside your willy and then your willy has to be cut open like a baguette and everyone goes home unhappy. That’s what we think.

After the furore over whether or not Piranha 3DD would be going straight to DVD (it isn’t), we expected the boys at the top to rush out a release date as soon as possible. But the official site still has only this helpful bit of info:

Brilliant. We’ll keep you posted!