The forthcoming two-part finale of the Hunger Games trilogy-and-a-bit (quadrilogy doesn’t seem like the right word given that, as with Harry Potter and Twilight, the last instalment is just being arbitrarily cut in half for the sake of the box office) has just received a welcome adrenaline boost, if by ‘welcome’ we mean ‘irrelevant’ and by ‘adrenaline’ we mean ‘benzodiazepine’. And by ‘boost’ we mean ‘yawn’.

The spectacularly obscure Wes Chatham (best known for the nauseating The Help) and Elden Henson (apparently a minor member of the Mighty Ducks, the squad of preteen ice hockey idiots who appeared in three films released between 1992 and 1996) have been cast as Castor and Pollux in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 and Part 2, which begin filming this month. As Hunger Games fans will know, Castor and Pollux are very, very boring characters – as the twin cameramen attached to the propaganda unit that follows Katniss Everdeen around while she pretends to be a revolutionary, literally the most exciting thing about either of them is that Pollux had his tongue cut out by, or at least on the orders of, Donald Sutherland.

For Henson (no relation to Jim Henson) and Chatham (no relation to Jason Statham), these will clearly be very much method performances, except that Henson has never had his tongue cut out. HOWEVER, in a 2007 episode of ER he played Fingerless Guy – it was probably his extensive experience of portraying amputees that clinched the deal. That or the fact that CGI fire is really expensive even when it’s not very well done, and these guys are probably very, very cheap. They also look nothing like each other, a fact that we’ve cynically accentuated by illustrating this article with photographs taken roughly a decade apart even though they’re actually both 35-ish.

Distressed by this news? Worried that the visceral arrow-fuelled glory of the Hunger Games might be in some way diminished by the presence of these idiots onscreen? Well, don’t worry – in keeping with Susanne Collins’ vague but well-meaning interest in classical mythology, Castor and Pollux mirror the fates of their mortal/immortal Greek namesakes. If by that you mean that [minor spoilers ahead] ‘Castor gets killed by lizard things in a sewer, and Pollux goes off to do something else but he still can’t talk so it doesn’t matter’. Ugh.

Do you give a ha’penny twazz about Wes Chatham and Elden Henson? Really? No, thought not.