The Lion King to get 3D re-release. (Us to hang ourselves)

Look, we don’t make the news, OK, we just report it. And it is with heavy, heavy hearts we tell you that The Lion King – that precious, gentle light of all our childhoods – is going to be pummelled to death by the lurking bullies of 3D. We’re so upset that we can’t even form a proper extended metaphor. THAT’S HOW BAD THIS IS.

Disney have apparently been planning to cash in on the 3D craze for a while now (cos you know how Disney are struggling, right?) and though rumours at first abounded that Beauty And The Beast would be the first to be sent to the 3D gas chambers (I’m not even sorry), it looks like The Lion King has ended up being at the front of the line. Do you want to see the new trailer those money pinching bastards have made to showcase it? Do you? We know, us neither, but at least they can’t force 3D into our computer screens (YET)

“Breath-taking 3D”. Breath-taking is right. Prepare yourselves, oh fat cats of Hollywood, prepare for a back-lash the like of which you’ve never known. I propose a pact: the second we don those 3D glasses and hear the beautiful opening of “MAAAAAAASAAAVENNNJAAAAA”, we shall all hang ourselves with rolls of the 1994 original film footage. It’s literally the only thing left that we can try.

This will be happening late October of this year. Same time as the new (and improved) Rapture. Coincidence? We think not.

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