Mate, those funnel web spiders will Nock. Your. Punk ass. DOWN!

Courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood geneticist!

SO SHINY

Thank Christ they’ve given up on Spidey-vision. For now.

January’s crap. But London’s good, isn’t it? And films are ACE. What better way to cope with January than by seeing loads of films in London? Exactly. Fortunately, there are loads of people who really, really want you to do this – so much so that they’re doing, like, festivals and everything! Suddenly January’s not so bad aft- oh god, it’s raining again.

It’s on the web. Get it?

Roland Emmerich is putting aside the disaster flicks for a moment and indulging in a bit of Shakespearean conspiracy theory. It’s silly, lavish and fairly good fun. But can we please all just agree that Shakespeare wrote his plays? Please? OK, cool.

Although Best For Film Towers is still rooted in dreary old London (we’re talking to both Howl and Count Duckula about an upgrade), our intrepid scribbler Hannah is overseas soaking up the celluloid glamour of the Toronto International Film Festival. Ever wanted to know how well Canadians queue? Well, your luck’s in…

Take a deep breath and prepare yourself for an exhaustive year of EPIC action films. 2012 is the official year of explosive sequels, daring superheroes and hardcore fairy tales. Just make sure you have an oxygen tank nearby.

How will Danny Craig fare against the Dark Lord, eh?