Nothing groundbreaking or awe-inspiring to be seen here, but John Carpenter being just okay is still better than no John Carpenter at all. Flimsy plot and performances, but what you’re forking over for is the shocks, and he still delivers better than most. Will leave you thinking, “Come on, John… let’s next time get our hands REALLY dirty.”

There hasn’t been a really, really good film about Jesus for ages, has there? Actually, there hasn’t ever been one – they’re either unpleasantly graphic (The Passion of the Christ) or cringeworthily obsequious (everything else). We can’t be doing with this dearth of watchable Jesus biopics, so we’ve suggested a few leading men (and ladies) who might be up to the job…

This week’s cheat sheet features everyone’s favourite Ken doll, Aaron Eckhart. Somewhat passed over in Hollywood, performances in The Dark Knight and Thank You for Smoking, along with a jawline that rivals Sophie Ellis-Bextor, have ensured him a spot in the Best for Film fan club.

Adam Sandler’s been nominated for Grown Ups! No, of course not really.

Breathtakingly poor in all departments except pants-wetting unintentional hilarity, Sudden Fury has to be seen to be believed. Get some friends round, order the tinnies in, and cover the couch in plastic. Fantastic.

While Scotland has a relatively extensive cinematic history, from movies about Nessie to The Stone Of Destiny, it also has a tendency to crop up in less expected places. Should you ever plan to visit our highlands and lochs, we wouldn’t want you taking Hollywood’s word and expecting a populace of alcoholic gingers, nor any of the following. As such, we celebrate Burns Night with eight of the most random Scottish cameos in cinema history.

As if the first trailer-vomitus wasn’t enough to assure the free-thinking world that the cancer that is Twilight (and its associations) will inevitably defile the sanctity of all enduring traditions and literary archetypes, the second instalment of this nightmare only compounds the impending doom.

To celebrate a wee Scottish holiday by the name of Burns Night, we decided that rather than getting trolleyed on whiskey and singing Auld Lang Syne badly, we would instead celebrate the Best 5 Scottish Actors and the Worst 5 Scottish Accents. Then get trolleyed on whiskey.

It’s that time of year again… time, that is, for an Evil Dead 4 rumour.

So long as they don’t call it Tron 3 3D, and so long as Jeff Bridges isn’t anywhere near it, I’m happy