The gore-splattered sequel to 2005’s The Descent, which provided some genuine chills and the fuzzy feeling you get from a British film doing well, sadly isn’t quite up to the high standard set by the original.

What are you more tired of, the phrase ‘Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’ or the words ‘vampire movie’? We’re not sure either, but for better or for worse, it would appear that we’re going to be hearing a lot more of both.

Hi! I’m not Troy McClure. You might remember me from other such features as “Top 10 Aimless 80’s Nostalgia Trips” and “Waffling On About Something Irrelevant That Causes Me Disproportionate Anger”. Now, let’s stroll together down a list of the great Mr. McClure’s oft-name dropped movies, and see which ones should be jammed into production like a fish in a sock.

As much as we love to moan about the ‘too good to be true’ on-screen relationship, there exists something far worse; the utterly baffling on-screen relationship. From girls having sex with Death in Meet Joe Black to questionable sexual age politics in Big, we feel it’s time for these dodgy love affairs to be exposed for what they are; bloody weird.

Sparkly-toothed rom-com queen Cameron Diaz, last seen playing the mother of a cancer victim in the weepy My Sister’s Keeper, has had another go at a serious role, and guess..

In this world of book adaptations, videogame-turned-blockbuster and TV series: The Film, it was only a matter of time before movie makers turned to board games for inspiration. No? No, we didn’t think so either. But for better or for worse, Monopoly: The Movie seems to be underway. We investigated the potential film plot thus far, and we can promise you now, it’s worth a look.

Another day, another announcement of a franchise needlessly yanked, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century. This time – and seeing that horror’s rather fashionable at the moment – it’s the turn of the 1973 classic The Exorcist. But wait! Before you let out that hangdog, undone sigh and bemoan the state of the universe you might want to reflect on the finer details.

We love George Clooney. If there was ever a man who looked like he could build a log cabin using wood he chopped himself, mixing a martini at the same time, while wearing a tux with a perfectly crafted bow tie it’s him. Seriously, which other actor could come back from the horror that was Batman & Robin to be one of Hollywood’s leading men? And if you don’t think that’s impressive, go ask Val Kilmer how life is treating him post Bruce Wayne duty. So when we settled into our cinema seat to watch his new film The Men Who Stare at Goats, we knew we were in for a treat.

The title of this movie says it all, really. Another in a seemingly never-ending line of horrendous teen slasher flicks, it’s based around the typically stupid premise of a high-school hottie who is inexplicably transformed into a blood-lusting demon. There’s only one reason I can think of that any of the movie going public would subject themselves to it – to have a good old perv at Megan Fox, aka said hottie-cum-demon, Jennifer Check.

One of the most criminally underrated films of the last ten years, Bubba Ho-Tep is an insane, fantastically crafted Horror-Comedy that’s almost impossible not to love.