The words ‘independent film’ and ‘the National Lottery’ don’t normally go together; but they probably should. In a bid to highlight the mounds of cash that the Lottery diverts from the pockets of hopeless optimists to the cameras of budding film-makers, this short film suggests how one of Britain’s best loved flicks might have turned out without NL funding.

KITTENS! BLOODY KITTENS! TWO OF THEM! PLAYING WITH AN AMULET! OH GOSH LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE, THEY’RE LITERALLY PAWING AT THE AMULET WITH UNBRIDLED GLEE! WHAT IS THE AMULET? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. KITTENS. KITTENS. KITTENS!!! Werner Herzog’s Nosferatu The Vampyre starts in less than fearsome circumstances, as my opening gambit of madcap…

It’s Monday, the Olympics are officially open, public transport is hell on earth between the hours of “all the time” and “even at 3.42am”; taking all that into account, you’ve rung into work sick because women’s beach volleyball kicks off this afternoon and Tom Daley will be in Speedos in HD at some point – who wants to miss that? YOU, that’s who. Because the BFI has nice things for you to look at in the way of Alfred Hitchcock; that’s way better than some poxy diving. We hope Daley wees in the pool, so that they postpone it and you HAVE to go.

It’s Monday, and after a solid couple of days of recreational brain cell murder you’re probably feeling a bit rough up in the head bits. Whether your weapon of choice was Jagermeister or the new season of The Only Way Is Essex (shame on you all), we have the perfect brain workout to get the poor withered thing back into shape; a healthy dose of David Lynch.

Michael Truman’s Go to Blazes (1962) is celebrating its 50th anniversary! What could be a better way to celebrate than with an exclusive screening at the BFI Southbank? But, before you hit up the London Comedy Film Festival on January 29th, check out what we have to say about this glorious old-school flick…

Monday is no laughing matter. You know what is? Comedy. So though we can’t promise you’ll never have to sit through another Monday (a more ominous promise was never offered), we can at least swear that with this healthy grin-fest, there’s nothing Monday can do to thwart your good mood. TGIM!

The Dark Lord rises.

January’s crap. But London’s good, isn’t it? And films are ACE. What better way to cope with January than by seeing loads of films in London? Exactly. Fortunately, there are loads of people who really, really want you to do this – so much so that they’re doing, like, festivals and everything! Suddenly January’s not so bad aft- oh god, it’s raining again.

On 5th September, the British Film Institute launched its new project: Screen Heritage UK. Working with regional film archives across the UK, the BFI is making much of these archives available for free to anyone with an interest in Britain’s film heritage. So on a scale of 1 to interesting, where is it?

November rain getting you down? Does the prospect of another bleak, friendless Christmas make you reach for the whiskey and the revolver? Not to worry, there’s a whole plethora of festivals and events to take your mind of your hollow shell of a life!